Sport Parenting: A Kids First Approach
Sport Parenting: A Kids First Approach
Youth sports programs and the many unique opportunities they present to tens of millions of children could not have existed if it were not for the hard work and the sacrifices made by millions of devoted parents. Cumming & Ewing (2002) point out that parents should be encouraged to support and show interest in their child’s sport pursuits, but they also caution sport parents to keep their involvement in a proper perspective. Mounting accounts of parent involvement in abusive and at times violent conduct toward officials, rival team parents and athletes, coaches, and too often, their own child are a source of great concern to league organizers and their sponsoring institutions. The purpose of this article is to briefly explore the scope of parental involvement in youth sports, and to suggest some possible actions by parents, coaches, officials, and league administrators that may help in preventing the occurrence of offensive behaviors on the sidelines.
To help parents adopt a child-centered approach to youth sports:
Present the facts. In a number of studies conducted over the past 20 years more than fifteen thousand kids ages 8-18 were asked to indicate the most important reasons they play after school sports. Most respondents listed “learn new skills,” “improve my skills,” “have fun,” “make new friends” etc. as the most important reasons they play after school sports. Of twenty items in one study, “winning” ranked in the 11th place for the majority of kids, and was in 7th place for the most competitive group. When asked why they dropped from sports, three of the first five reasons were "I was not having fun," "coach was a poor teacher," and "too much pressure (Ewing & Seefeldt, 1990; Frankl, 1998; Gould, Feltz, Weiss, & Petlichkoff, 1982; Swell, 1992).”
Clarify adults’ responsibilities. Al Rosen, a former major league baseball player, suggested some of the following questions as a reminder of the scope of parental responsibility and involvement in their child's sport:
• Can you carefully listen to your child and fully support her/his choice to participate or not to participate in youth sports?
• Can you entrust your child to the coach and take a back seat?
• Can you allow your child to act independently and assume responsibility for both success and failure?
• Can you keep losing as well as winning in perspective?
• Can you invest the time and effort to learn as much as possible about your child’s sport?
• Can you set your expectations at a level commensurate with your child’s cognitive and physical abilities without ever comparing her/him to others?
• Can you be your child’s most devoted fan without ever turning into a fanatic?
Parents who cannot reply to all of the above questions with a resounding “yes” should not panic. No one is perfect. An honest answer to Al Rosen’s questions will help parents develop an awareness of their motivations to become and stay involved in youth sports. The realization that a problem exists is the first step on the road to a positive sport experience.
State the rules. A clearly stated league constitution that outlines adult responsibilities, and delineates acceptable as well as unacceptable conduct is the first step to a civil league experience. All adults should be required to read the league constitution and sign a “Code of Conduct” form. Appropriate consequences should be instituted to address the failure to accept and/or follow league rules.
Show respect. Over-ambitious parents are often unaware of the deleterious effects of their actions on their child and the team. Approach them in private and address them calmly and respectfully. For example, tell the parent what you saw, provide her/him with a transcript of your communication, and ask the parent if there’s anything that can be done in a different way in the future. The “ball is now in the parent’s court” and he/she is empowered to take charge of her/his behavior. The parent was also put on notice.
Protect the children. Do not hold a child accountable for her/his parent’s behavior. Let all the kids know that what goes on between adults is not their fault. Assure the kids that: “We are adults, and we’ll work out our differences.”
Be proactive. Keep restating the rules and reinforce compliance with positive remarks. “Despite a few ‘bad’ calls by the referee we all remained calm and respectful. I am proud to be part of a group of parents that are great role models to our kids as well as other sport parents.”
Keep open communications. Create ample opportunities for communications before the league starts, and throughout the duration of the season. Set group meetings, personal meetings, newsletters, e-mails and phone calls. Also, bare in mind that careful and attentive listening is at the core of good communications.
Promote a child-centered perspective. “Carrying the torch for less pressure and more perspective in youth programs may not be a popular position. Those who demand more games, more wins, more trophies, more travel and more of everything can talk the loudest and sound convincing. It’s up to all of us to have the courage to be just as passionate on the side of balance (Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association, 2003).”

Daniel Frankl, PH.D.

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