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CHAMPIONSHIP PARENTING
Championship Parenting
Scott Ward, Ph.D.
There is no question in my mind that parents of young athletes want the best for their children. The following is a TOP-FIVE list for Championship Parenting of the Athletic Child.
1) Make sure that your children know that - win or lose - you love them, appreciate the efforts and are never disappointed. This will allow them to do their best and avoid developing a fear of failure based on the dread of disapproval and family disappointment. Be the person in their life that can be looked upon for constant positive reinforcement.
2) Try your best to be completely honest with yourself about your children's athletic capability, competitive attitude, sportsmanship and actual skill level. Good communication with your children will help you know if they want to be more competitive in a specific sport. Ask your children if they want to go to a summer camp, (basketball, football, tennis, etc.), don't force them.
3) Be helpful but don't "coach" on the way to the court ... on the way back ... at breakfast ... and so on. Sure it's tough not to, but it's a lot tougher for children to be inundated with advice, pep talks and often critical instruction.
4) Try not to re-live your athletic life through your children. There are enough pressures on your children as it is. Try not to add any because of your pride. Many very good young athletes stop participating in sports because of the unpleasantness of the home after a competition. Athletic children need their parents, so you must not withdraw. If your young athletes are comfortable with you - win or lose - they are on their way to maximal achievement and enjoyment - and you will get your kicks too!
5) Don't compete with the coach. The young athlete often comes home and chatters on about "coach says this, coach says that." This is often hard to take, especially for the mother or father who has had some sports experience. When a certain degree of disenchantment about a coach sets in, some parents side with the youngster and are happy to see the coach shot down. This is a mistake. It should provide a chance to discuss (not lecture) with the youngster the importance of learning how to handle problems, react to criticism and understand the necessity for discipline, rules and regulations. Parenting a young athlete is quite difficult and takes a lot of effort to be done well. The practices, competitions, traveling and expenses take time, energy and money. This alone should inspire parents to do the right thing with their young athletes. Give your child the opportunity to be successful. Teach them to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be out there trying, working to improve skills and attitudes, taking the physical bumps and coming back for more. Don't say "winning doesn't matter" because it does. Instead, help develop the feel for competing, trying hard, and having fun.
LADY WOLVES FUNDRAISER
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Parent's Perspectives
Attitude----Parents Set the Tone
by Darrell J. Burnett, Ph.D.
Attitude is defined as "a person's behavior, which indicates his/her thoughts, feelings, or opinions." In youth sports, you can tell kids' attitudes by watching their behaviors during practice or a game. If they see the game as a game, with an opportunity to learn skills, compete, increase confidence, and have fun, they're able to go with the flow, have fun, and relax. Overall, they show a sense of humor and a sense of good sportsmanship. They're able to learn from their mistakes. However, if they see the game as a pressure-filled event, with winning as the only acceptable outcome, most of their energies will be spent trying not to make mistakes. If they make mistakes (which is inevitable in youth sports), they'll use lots of energy making excuses, blaming others, complaining about officials, etc.
How do kids develop their attitudes? As the saying goes, "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." As parents, we have to be aware that our behaviors often set the tone for our kids' attitudes toward youth sports. As adults, we often tend to focus on the "end product", rather than the "process". When an adult arrives at game's end, and sees the kids coming off the field, what is the first word out of his/her mouth? It's usually, "Who won?" or "Did you score any goals (get any hits, etc)?" With our emphasis on the end product, we run the risk of teaching our kids to focus on outcome rather than process (skill improvement). Mistakes are no longer viewed as opportunities to learn. They are seen as occasions of failure.
Research has shown that elite athletes focus on tasks, not trophies. That is, they focus on the process of their skill development, measuring their progress in terms of frequency, duration, or intensity. They have an intense desire to win, but most of their energy is spent competing against themselves. Success in their eyes is measured by progress, not trophy size.
As parents, if we're looking to develop a positive attitude in our kids, we would do well to watch our own behaviors at athletic events. Do we give positive encouragement, or critical judgmental remarks? Do we show a calm demeanor, or heated overreactions to mistakes? Do we praise participation, or game statistics? Next time you go to a game, remember, your attitude is showing, and your kids are watching.
Ed. note: Dr. Darrell Burnett is a clinical and sport psychologist, author, and lecturer.
This article provided by Dr. Richard Stratton, Health and Physical Education Program, Virginia Tech
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