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VH1's "Behind the Hollywood"
Tom Francis Tracey is a 29 year old investment banker(I forget what he really does). He was born at Goddard hospital on June 3rd 1974. He was raised in Brockton Massachusetts. He went to Davis Elementary school and then attended South Jr. High. He started honing his baseball skills at a very early age. His older brother Tim would teach him all he knows. Tim would later become a star at N.C. State. (Tom you are no Timmy) Thomas would starred in the Southside Little league and later became a member of Club National of the Pony league. Tom dominated throughout Pony league and at the age of 15 was the number one overall choice of the Colt league. Tom Frizzell was the coach that plucked him, "He was just starting to blossom. I thought he was a cant miss. His brother was a star and I knew that he would some day be one too. Plus he has cute freckles so I had to take him" said the coach with over 400 career wins. Thomas would hit a snag that season. He was moved from his normal position of second base by a scrappy young player named Adam L. Fralick. Tracey attended Cardinal Spellman and looked ravishing in his school uniform but it didnt allow him the freedom to express his inner self. It was then that he first thought about dying his hair. Tracey went on to Massasoit for two years and had two good seasons but everyone knew that the kid hadn't come close to his potential. He would later go on to Bridgewater State and shine as a Bear. It looked as though Thomas F Tracey had arrived. He decided on playing for the Rockland Cardinals of the Cranberry league. It was there that he picked up his love of Beethoven. But it was there that he also discovered his obsession with Micheal Saraceno.Knee operations made him realize his career might be coming to an end. Then in May of 2002 he buttoned up his 12$ Bulldog uniform and made an Ozzie Smith entrance out to shortstop for the Whitney Houston Bobby Brown run Bulldogs. They would go on to win the title that year and Tracey was the biggest reason why. But the season wore on him. He started to believe what was being said about him. He thought he was untouchable. He would only answer to the name Hollywood. He wouldn't let anyone drink out of his gallon of water even though he has never bought a gallon in his life. He was in his mind a rock star. But something happened that off season. Thomas was bitten by the love bug. He knew he had to change his David Lee Roth days. He started going to yoga classes with ex teammatte Mat O'toole. "He was stressed out. He was the #2 most hated guy in the league behind Fralick. Women were throwing themselves at him. Drugs were available 24/7. Then he had whats been haunting him his whole life, his brothers shadow". After the 2003 MIBL season there would be one more big bump in Tom Tracey's world. Fralick was leaving the team. This would set up a confrontation that the whole league wanted to see. But there would only be one post by each that would make it to the guestbook. The rest of the verbal war was done privately over a few days of nasty email. Tracey promised revenge. It was rumored that this season he was never more motivated to play. Then the shocking news late last week that Tracey had had enough. There would be no more shots at the MIBL crown. No more handshakes exchanged with the second baseman. No more Fralick than no more for him. In all seriousness, Tracey get out there and play. If the Brewers dont have you then we dont have a rival. We will just walk over EVERYBODY!!! We need the Brewers to be good. Who else is going to compete with us. Please Jay!!!! I know you set up the schedule to play us early so Lalli can be there before he leaves for the Cranberry but it wont matter. You always lose in the playoffs. Remember the 2002 meltdown. Trace, I know you love it when your name is on here so I hope you see this and decide to come back. Im sorry was I not supposed to write about something. Things clear now Stocky. You couldnt stir a pot of chicken soup, so why you trying to stir us up. You are more annoying than "Skippy" from Family Ties. Im sorry Quincy if I dont respond to you anymore. You are in the rearview mirror and forever will be.
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All the right moves - 7/17/04
Umpa Lumpa, Webster, Mickey from Seinfeld, Mini Me, and Yoda. Those are just a few of the cruel nicknames people have given, Brewers centerfielder, Mike Saraceno. To this day people still ask him to say, "Whatcha talkin bout Willis". Micheal has heard every joke about his size. Sure he can hit a ball four hundred feet, but he cant ride the Rainbow at the fair cause he isnt tall enough. Sure he can make incredible diving catches, but he needs a height chair to eat at restaraunts. For the record, Mike does not order from the childrens menu. He does however purchase Happy Meals at McDonalds. He has been a stand in for such child stars as McCauley Culkin, Johnathan on Who's the Boss, and Ricky Schroeder on Silver Spoons. But acting is not what Ceno wanted to do. To this day Ceno's dream has been to become a backround dancer. But of course the dancing industry isnt rushing out looking for three foot dancers. This dream started years ago when Mike was working in the WWF. He was Doink the clowns little sidekick midget. He was on the road in Phoenix one night when he met Vision. Vision was a backround dancer for C+C Music Factory but had given it up to try and make it in wrestling. The two made a pact to help each other. Mike would teach Vision how to wrestle and Vision would teach Mike to dance. After a few days Mike already was doing the steps of the backround dancers in Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistable" and the third guy from the left's steps in the B52's "Love Shack" video. Mike was a natural. But Vision knew the industry and knew that it would be real hard for Ceno to crack into it. Mike went on audition after audition. He tried out for Hammers "Two Legit to Quit", Boyz 2 Men's "Mowtown Philly", and Shabba Rank's "Shabba" video. He didnt get past the first day of auditions. To pay the bills he took the job of the purple telletubby. Although the job paid well, it was not Micheals dream. Micheal got his big break when a director saw him on MTV's the Grind with Eric Nees. Ceno was casted as a backround dancer for Marky Mark's "Good Vibrations" video. But after three days of shooting, Ceno was fired. There was no reason ginen to why Mike was fired but many people believe it was because Mike was a Jordan Knight fan and not a Donnie Wahlberg fan. It would be years before Mike would get his chance again. But Mike stayed in the industry in other ways. He helped choreograph several videos. In Nsync's "Bye Bye Bye" video it was his dance moves that you see when the boys are on the strings. Hes worked with Sugar Ray, Pink, and Aaron Carter. Micheal is still looking for his big break into a video. You would think that in 2004 that a three foot dancer with the moves of Jennifer Beals in "Flahdance" would be given the chance to dance. But it hasnt happenned yet. Mike still lives the dream. Every weekend he creates and practices new moves in his basement. He is currently working with the weird looking blonde guy from 98 degrees and the comeback of Toni Toni Toni. A guy with this much talent but isnt tall enough to pump his own gas. Imagine the deep end in a swimming pool is the shallow end to the rest of us. I've watched him hit three homeruns in a game. I've also seen him get mistaken for a Keebler Elf. So the next time you are watching MTV, pay attention to the backround dancers. You never know who you might see. You could see the guy who married J-Lo, Chris Judd. You could see the guy who is engaged to Brittany. Or you could see a three foot MIBL Icon.
Can I Have Ten Ones Please? - 7/12/04
He first learned how to read at the age of five. He "read" his first Playboy at the age of two. He has been featured on HBO's "G String Divas" and has Lonny from Scores on speed dial. He's got more nicknames than the devil himself. So whether you know him as Sly, 2Time, Styles, Judge Dredd, or the Greek Shiek, you can now call him an MIBL Icon. Along with his two MIBL titles, Frankee also has accomplished many other things off the baseball diamond.Many people dont know that in 1998, Frankee wrote a book called "Jump Kick and Pull". In the ninties the art of pole dancing was diminishing. Frankee wrote "JKP" to bring back the basics of working the pole. He traveled the country and used his book to teach young woman the "Firemans Drop" and the "Sleeping Owl". He was also the genius behind putting ATM machines in clubs. "It just came to me while I was filming Oscar". Before he became the Beagles Boss, Frankee attended Worcester State........and WPI, Westfield, Salem St, Blaines Beauty School, Berklee, New England Tractor Trailer School, and finally Massasoit. He had a brief gig as a model working for EA Sports. Any time a player hits a homerun and stands there watching it in "MVP 2004", thats Frankee. He spends his down time mostly with his girlfriend Boof watching movies like Uptown Girls and Striptease. He is a scratch bowler who has been accused of rigging the scores. Because of his line of work, Frankee wears suits that make Pat Riley jealous. After some investigation on my part I learned of an ugly incident that recently happenned at the Beagle. On a busy Saturday night a bachelors party of 20 came in. The guys were having a grand ole time with the Beagles talent. But it would quickly get ugly. A waitress asked the guys if they wanted anything to drink. One patron made the fatal mistake of saying "Yeah we will have some brews". Brews? Brews? Sounds an awful lot like a certain MIBL team. Frankee became irate. He kicked a trash can as hard as he could and then ordered all the bouncers to hit the customers. After it was over he went into his office and wrote a nasty post about the patrons. Frankee would not speak on this subject. I've learned alot about Frankee since joining the Reds. Especially after the night of hell we had one night. I've learned he has no chest hair which is rare for Greeks. I've learned he once went tanning. I've learned he doesnt care about losing. He lives it. I've learned that he is a damn good friend.
We are gonna miss him - 6/28/04
On July 11th of 1978 a 25 pound baby was produced in the town of Weymouth. By age two this baby was bench pressing 165 pounds and squating 450. Jamie "The Freak" Barrett was a Mr. Olympia in the making. He was going to school by day and doing super sets at night. He first fell in love with himself when he was doing Tony Atlas poses in the mirror. He learned the art of applying Johnson's Baby Oil from Joe Weider. He was drinking Myloplex protein shakes and eating tuna from the can at the age of eight. When he was nine his life wuld change forever. This is when "The Freak" first used a tanning bed. He went in for only a six minute session but came out a believer in the machine for an eternity. He wasnt like most teenagers who had Cindy Crawford and Cheryl Tiegs posters. "The Freak" instead had posters of Lou Ferrigno and Conan the Barbarian. When I first met Barett I asked him, "Pills or needles"? He acted as if he didnt know what I was talking about. But I found my answer when I saw the track mark. Barett tried his hand at acting. He landed several small roles in some "B" movies. He got a starring role in the movie "The Toxic Avenger". Amazingly no makeup was needed for him to play the role of the Avenger. It was this role that would create a slew of female fans. Many of his relationships would falter because he would choose a night of "triceps and biceps" instead of a romantic night of love making. Barett was anything but Don Juan. His style was more like Joey Buttafuco. His long tme girlfriend Nikki described a romantic night with Jamie, " He eats a Powerbar, flexes for a half an hour, and then jumps in the bed and says who wants hot dogs". The late eighties were a tough time for "The Freak". The hit sketch on Saturday Night Live was "Hans and Frans". When I asked him about this childhood trauma, his veins popped and he began to shake. "I no like Frans and Hans. They hurt sport of picking up barbell and curl it. They not once Pump you up". Alot of people think that he is all upper body and doesnt work his legs enough. One expert in bodybuilding described his legs as "skinny". But Nikki insists that they are his "Bread and butter". Jamie has had three liver transplants and his right arm has fallen off twice but other than that he is in perfect health. He is an avid scotch drinker and likes to cook his hamburgers for a whole thirty seconds. "This burger cooked. Cheeco trust". For a kid that can bench press a Mazda Miata, it takes him two hands to flip a burger. His girlfriend watches in horror as he doesnt pack his meat into patties. Instead he grabs a chunk of burger and just tosses it onto the grill. "It same thing". He has lost alot of friends over the years because of a evil answering machine that beeps 56 times before it records a message. I was officialy banned from the
house after leaving a R-rated message. But he has his girlfriend and his mirror, and thats all this "Icon" needs. Well all he needs is that and someone who occasionally craves a hot dog.
I am Steven King - 6/19/04
We have all heard the rumors of haunted houses and ghost sightings. I remember that we used to think that old Mrs. Baxter was a real witch. We all thought that she could cast a spell on any one of us. Well in the summer of 1980 another urban legend began. In the scumbag city of Taunton there was a tale of a freak of nature. As legend would have it, there was a freak that was brought to life by a lightning bolt. We have all heard the tale of Frankenstein but nobody has ever believed it. But on July 16th 1980, the "Icon" was created. It was a stormy night in the sleazy city of Taunton when a lightning bolt struck a what everyone thought was a run down crackhouse. But it was actually a science lab on crack. What had hapenned in that lab only Dr. Frankee Steen can explain. " I was trying to create a clone "Larry" of "Threes Company" for my own personal use. I always thought Larry was underrated and I wanted to show people that Larry and Lana were the real stars of the show. But what was created was terribly wrong. I created a monster. That monsters name was David "Frankenstein" Walczack!!!! At the age of nine David had the strength of hefty smurf and Bam Bam combined. David broke all the Taunton Little League homerun records but everyone was suspicious that he used the cork from his temples in his bat. It would be even tougher for David in Jr. High. The gym teacher, Mr. Stasis, would use Davids temples for kids to practice pull ups. It wasn't easy for David when kids would say, "hey Im sorry my dad shot a merlot in your head". Or when they would say "Hey my mom didnt finish that bottle of chardonnay, can we use your temple to seal the bottle". David "Frankenstein" Walczack didnt have many friends, but he did hang out with Carlos "Dracula" Rivera, Tom "Werewolf" Dixon, and Joey Lawerence of "Blossom". At the age of fifteen things would change for Frankenstein. He discovered baseball. Throw a fastball at the "freak" and watch him hit it 800 feet people would shout. The only "freaky" thing was is that he would hit it 800 feet. He could barely speak a word of english except for a few phrases. They were, " Fire good. Curveball Bad". Frankenstein Walzcack had an incredible highschool career. He had colleges lighning up for him. He decided to go to the GREATEST BASEBALL SCHOOL AROUND, MASSASOIT!!!!! But at the last minute Frankenstein had a brain fart and went to CCRI. It was there that his weakness would be revealed. A curveball!!!! This folks, is a craeted freak that can tear a phone book in half, survive a lightning storm on a electrical tower, and get you free cable for as long as his freaky a$$ stands on your roof but his kryptonite is a little thing called a curveball. Many believe that David Walzcack could have become the next Steve Balboni. But because of the curveball he is only the next "MIBL Icon".
Moose Crossing - 6/21/04
There have been some great duos in our lifetime. Trey Parker and Matt Stone gave us "South Park". The Farrelly brothers gave us "Dumb and Dumber". Fuji and Cyito would throw salt into Chief Jay Strongbow's eyes to capture the WWF tag team champions and who could ever forget the Ambiguosly gay duo of Ace and Gary. The MIBL has its own famous duo of "Rear Landing". Forget Fear Factor!!! The creators of America's most dangerous game that is sweeping the nation is Micheal J. Landers and Phillip Reardon. The game is called "Moosehead". These two all stars would first cross paths in a turf war battle back in the summer of 1986. Two neighborhood gangs with utter distaste for one another met up at a local schoolyard in Brockton. Back then gangs didnt use guns or knives to settle differences. Back then they battled by breakdancing. Landers went by the street name Captain Kool Aid because he always had a Blastin Berry moustache on his face. Reardon went by the name Silly Rabbit Trix are for Kids. Mike started out the battle using the classic "Top Rock" technique. He followed that up with several windmills and finally a five minute backspin that ended with him posing like a nude model. The crowd went go crazy for Kool Aid, yelling out "Funky Fresh" and "Fly". Phil knew he couldnt compete. He started out with his patent "wave" but the onlookers began to laugh. Phil became ashamed and embarrased. With his parachute pants and his "Beatstreet" jacket on, he picked up his cardboard and headed home. He went into his room and played his favorite Kool Moe Dee album and played Kung Fu on his Nintendo system. It was right before he was to fight "Mr. X" that his mom knocked on his bedroom door. "Pumpkin, you have a visitor here to see you". What many people in the MIBL dont know and are learning the first time today is that Mike Landers has a sensitive side. Mike showed up at Phil's house to see how he was doing. They talked for hours and discovered that they had many similarities. They both shared secrets like how they both favored Tiffany over Debbie Gibson and how they first discovered a tingly feeling in their pants while watching "Kids Incorparated". Phil went too far that day by revealing that he thought Natalie on the "Facts of Life" was "kinda cute". But never the less these two became fast friends. They bith had their first beer together at the age of fourteen. By the age of fifteen they mastered the drinking game of "A$$hole". Quarters would not be far behind. They became "Beer Die" champs in 1988. They took their skills on the road and went on the "Drinking Games Circuit" for a year and a half until a freak accident injured Mike during a game of "Drink Everytime You Hear the Word Like in the Movie Valley Girl". But these two had become tired of the same old games. They needed a fresh start. A new challenge. Three years later they came up with "Moosehead". Mike and Phil were sitting around one day watching "Rocky and Bullwinkle" and sharing their second thirty pack of Bud Lite when Mike went to his freezer to make his famous "ghetto pops". For those of you who dont know what that is, its when you put Kool Aid in a ice cube tray and freeze the Kool Aid. Mike poured the juice into the tray while Phil was practicing a new coin flip he had learned. The quarter bounced of Bullwinkles head on the TV and into the tray. Mike who is a ridiculous neat freak became irate. A filthy quarter had landed in his kool aid. Instead of fighting to the death, the two compramised and came up with the solution that Phil was to chug a beer. But not just any beer. They would fill a mug with the beer but Mike would first lick his finger and then stir the beer with the same disgusting finger. Not only did Phil fire down that beer but proceeded to gulp down two more after it. After he was done, he placed his hands on top of his head like antlers and stuck out his tongue. The two looked at each other and began laughing. On their way to pick up their third thirty pack they started brainstorming over a new game that would become "Moosehead". Every weekend after Phil's sewing classes and Mike's Poetry readings, the two would practice Moosehead. This humble writer experienced his first "Moosehead" game about a month and a half ago. Lets just say that it consisted of the phrase "Fralick drink", the "Fralick Hop" to keep me from vomiting, and of course a visit by the Bridgewater Police Department. Some other MIBLers have also experienced this phenomenom. Some lasted three minutes into the game, some others twenty minutes. But rest assured that these two played for four hours straight. Alot of times these two show off and drink when its another players turn. I told you they have a sensitive side. The record for the most "Mooseheads" in a row is seven held by Landers. For the record there have been no known deaths to date, but there have been 152 hospital related instances. Mostly because Mike likes to wrestle two or three people at a time like that night in Bridgewater. When I asked these two about "Moosehead", Phil responded, "I love Mike with all my heart". Mike responded, "Dont be last". "Moosehaed" the board game will be out this fall by Milton Bradley.
My First Novel - 6/17/04
I would like to start a new segment on the guestbook called "MIBL Icon". This week I would like to profile a young lefthander by the name of Keanu "Kyle Powers" Reeves. (Editors note: The name Keanu was originated by Robert L. Fralick) Kyle, who only uses Keanu in his movies, was born March 13th 1978. He was born in a small town right outside of Waco Texas. He moved to Easton Mass at the age of five. Kyle had trouble making new friends in the snobby rich town of Easton but he had his make believe friend "Oscar" and his Cabbage Patch dolls to help him fill the day. It was at the age of eleven that Kyle's life would soon change forever. This is when he would be introduced to the two most important people in his life, his little league coach Mr. Tompkins and his drama coach Mrs Perkins. At the age of eleven Kyle was already 6'3" and 55 pounds. Mrs. Perkins casted Kyle in his first dramatic role as Andre the Giant in a stage performance of Wrestlemania III. He put on an amazing performance that had Broadway buzzing. But it was in this performance that Kyle would have a major setback in his baseball career. In ActI sceneIII, Kyles character Andre was to be body slammed by Hulk Hogan played by AJ Kennedy. What people didnt know was that during his performance as the Hulkster, AJ was on anobolic steroids. AJ got out of hand and the scene became ugly. AJ performed the body slam to perfection but because he was so jealous of Kyles "Luke Perry" looks he took the stunt further. He picked Kyle up off the mat and gave him a Paul Orndorff pile driver and a Cowboy Bob Orton suplex. This shattered Kyle's right shoulder. Whats the big deal, it was his "right" thoulder, some of you are thinking. What the MIBL doesnt know is that Kyle up to this point was an eleven year old righthander who threw 95mph. It was first discovered he could throw this hard when Kyle was six. It was Kyle who actually inspired the movie "Little Big League". But now his shoulder was junk. If you watch "Point Break" you will notice that in all Keanu's surfing scenes he never paddles with his right arm. The easton community was in shock. Why? Why would AJ do this. In a sit down interview AJ for the first time told me why. "I had a crush on a girl named Patsy Davis. She had auburn hair and could rollerskate backwards. She had a New Kids trapper keeper and always smelled like Care Bears shampoo. She had an incredible effect on me. I was going to ask her to the Connie Spillane spring dance. It took me weeks to work up the courage to ask her. I waited until after Mr. Hick's music class. As I was approaching her, I see Mr. Corey Haim himself laughing with her. Then she pulls out this pin, you remember frienship pins right? But this wasn't a friendship color. It was the love pin. I was crushed. I took a cycle of Dball and decided to exact my revenge. I dont regret what I did. I loved Patsy. She became the "bee girl" in the Blind Melon video". All these years later and AJ is still a brokenhearted bitter man. After countless efforts I tracked down Patsy. "AJ is wrong. It wasnt a red pin. It was a rasberry pin. Rasberry!!! Rasberry meant, I think your neat. But AJ thought it was red". A Rasberry friendship pin meaning "I think your neat" ruined the career of what many believed to be the next Mark Fidirych. What would be MLB's loss, Bill and Ted would be the worlds gain. And this is what makes Kyle Power an "MIBL Icon".
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