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A little fun with the sport we love...
Q: What's the difference between a striker and a puppy?
A: A puppy will eventually stop whining.
Q: What's the best place to shop for a soccer shirt?
A: New Jersey.
Q: What were the soccer star's first words as a baby?
A: Look Ma, no hands.
Q: Why do soccer players have so much trouble eating popcorn?
A: They think they can't use they're hands.
Q: How did the soccer field end up as a triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner.
Q: Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, crossbars can't jump.
Q: What does a soccer player and a magician have in common?
A: Both do hat tricks.
Q: Why are soccer players never asked to dinner?
A: Because they're always dribbling.
Q: Why did the soccer player hold his shoe to his ear?
A: Because he likes sole music.
Q: Why didn't the dog want to play soccer?
A: Because he was a Boxer.
Q: Which insect didn't play well in goal?
A: The fumble bee.
Q: How did the soccer field get all wet?
A: The players dribbled all over it.
Q: What tea do soccer players drink?
A: Penaltea
Q: Where do soccer players dance?
A: At a soccer ball
Q: What did the bumble bee striker say?
A: Hive scored
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match
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FIRE! A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he hears a woman screaming and detects a faint smell of burning in the air. He runs down the street and around a corner and sees a huge group of people standing watching a blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building a woman, clutching a bundle to here chest, is leaning out of a window screaming for someone to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!" "No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and the she'll be killed!" "No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am Alec Maguire. I'm the goal keeper for Ireland's national football [soccer] team. I've never missed a match in ten years and in all that time, I have never let the ball into my net." "What? Not once?" calls the woman. "No!" shouts back the man. "Not once. Every football player in the world agrees that I am the best goal keeper there has ever been." And with that he adopts the classic goal keepers stance, legs apart and sightly bent at the knees, body slightly bent forward at the waist and with his arms stretched downwards at a slight angle away from his body, with palms facing forward. "Okay!" screams the woman. "I'll trust you. I've no choice! Her she comes!" So, with the flames roaring all around her, the woman throws the baby from the window. However, the edge of the baby's shawl catches on the woman's watch with the result that the child goes spinning off to one side, tumbling head over heels and with her little arms and legs flailing. The woman screams and the crowd gasps, all sure that the baby will perish because she will fall out of reach of the man. The man remains motionless as the child descends, spinning and tumbling further and further away from him as she comes. Then when the baby is only feet from hitting the ground the man dives a full 30 feet across the pavement, catches the baby in his outstretched right hand, pulls her in towards his chest and shields her body with his left hand and arm. He hits the ground heavily on his right side and lies motionless on the pavement for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he raises himself to his feet and turns to face the crowd and everyone sees that the child is alive. The crowd is awe-struck. Then the crowd erupts with cheers and the woman, still in danger herself, nearly faints with relief. The man, still clutching the child to his chest in his right arm, waves to the crowd of onlookers to acknowledge their appreciation. Then, slowly and gracefully, he turns away from them, bounces the baby twice on the ground then punts her 60 yards down the road.
Big Game It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up.
Heaven vs. Hell Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth. God, always fair, told the devil, 'the heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?' The devil, smiling, responded 'yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
Rules Of The Game At one point during a soccer game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when offsides is called, or a handball is not called, you don't argue or curse or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
The Counselor Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, Would you like me to be your friend? The girl hesitated, then said, Okay, looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, Why are you standing here all alone? Because, the little girl said with great exasperation, Im the goalie!
Got a soccer joke for our website? Send it to us and we'll put it out there.
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