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 Beer Reviews! |
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REV
COORS LITE
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Type of beer: Light
Brewer: Coors
Drinkability: A chugger we guess
Price we paid: 16.30 / 12 cans
Beer Goggle Rating: Pretty damn clear.
Lable Appearance: I guess it's ok since "The Silver Bullet" caught on.
Overall Rating: 0.5 out of 5 bottles.
Okay people. Now I know that Coors Light may be the #4 best selling beer in North America, but really, a light beer? Come on now. We can't waste our precious resources on such a weak excuse for a beer. Perhaps you drink these so called "light" beers because they have fewer calories and a lower alcohol rating, but lets not kid ourselves, you'll just end up drinking more in the long run, so switch to a real beer. But, being as we hold only a moderate amount of biases, we put Coors Light through a few, albeit breif, tests, because hey, we answer to the people.
Alright, listen up. We need to talk. Now by all technicalities Coors Light is a beer, we just can't bring ourselves to test anything with the words "light" on it. Now this may alienate some of you folks out there who are saying to yourselves, "you bastards, how dare you insult my favorite beer. You're all gonna die!" So before you go to your pickup truck and retrieve your double barrel shotgun and a fresh six-pack of Coors light to get hammered and come kill us, wake up and take off your dress you pansy because you are drinking a "Light" beer.
JEFF'S first reaction to the taste:
"I find Coors Light to be very smooth with very little after taste. When I sip this beer it is tangy on the roof of my mouth. Although this is only our first beer of the night, it gives me the feeling like when I used to climb the rope in gym class. When I chugged the beer and do ten one-armed push ups, I received only two gas induced burps. The burps didn't stink that bad though."
STU'S first reaction to the taste:
"My first sip of Coors Light and applying makeup reminds me of my times back in the service in 'Nam. We were pinned down by the enemy, with no hope of survival when we had a plan. We disguised ourselves as Vietnamese prostitutes and made our way back to camp. They caught us and mistook us for real "poontang," but we eventually got away. We couldn't sit for a week though...but the beer's OK."
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MILLER GENUINE DRAFT
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Type of beer: Draft
Brewer: Miller
Drinkability: A Summer Skirt Catcher
Price we paid: $22.15 / 12 bottles
Beer Goggle Rating: Look out, it's starting again!
Lable Appearance: Smooth, Mature, Cool, Clean, Glassy.
Overall Rating: 4.0 out of 5 bottles.
Miller Genuine Draft Miller Brewing Co, Yeah...since we were little kids hanging around the ***ty ole' TV with daddio in the 70's and 80's, we all remember those commercials, talking about "Miller Time" and how everyone gets along better and picks up chicks when they drink "their" beer. Well, dammit, its the truth.
Miller Promises and Delivers in one nearly frozen clear bottle of joy.
At one time, this was my favorite beer. Compared to what I drink now, this is very refreshing and the taste is totally there. The one beer that never gave me a hangover the next day after having too many. No difference in flavor between regular and light.
My biggest grief with Miller is the "extra" cost of it being imported from the States. That's right my little flock of barley beggars, only the cans (yucki) are brewed in Canada. The bottles are still born and bred in the US of A. And, might I add, it's really the only American beer that is worthy of mentioning on our great web site. That is, unless, someone drops off a case of imported US brewed beer they want us to ummm, like try and judge. I'm down with that too!
Oh yeah...what's up with switching from twist off to .... letsfukup the skin on my fingers off?? It was very nice of Miller to give out bottle openers, but I can't carry the damn thing everywhere I go. And change the box. Opening the current box of 12 bottles can be dangerous to the life of those sexy little glass wonders if it's opened wrong and carried from one drinking location to another. Another important lesson can be learned here by copying the mass selection of Canadian brewing companies boxes of bottles.
Maybe try bringing out an idea like Molson did for their draft beer "Canadian"....that little keg called "The Bubba". Comon Miller, do that crap and call it...."Future Trailer Park Table Stand".
I know...I know...the name's a tad long, but I'll work on another name and get back to ya.
JANET'S first reaction to the taste:
"Well when I tried MGD, the beer was tasteless and the front of my white button-down shirt got really, really wet. My mouth
was apparently not open, or the bottle was applied to the wrong part of my face. I then decided to retire to the little girl's room and practice in the mirror.
DARLENE'S first reaction to the taste:
"While drinking my MGD's, I totally lost Janet at the bar and then the whole room seemed to get unusually dark and quiet.
Apparently the bar had closed. My action plan was then to finish my remaining MGD's, confirm my home address with the bartender, put him over my shoulder and head home"
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OLD STYLE PILSNER
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Type of beer: Pilsner
Brewer: Molson
Drinkability: Its a chugger!
Price we paid: $17.25 / 12 bottles
Beer Goggle Rating: Oh Yeah!
Label Appearence: The label was also pretty boring as there are no cool death scenes or scantily-clad women gracing the outside of the bottle.
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 bottles
Being Saskatchewanianites like myself and a few others on the team (Jeff, Janet) for our first adventure we decided to test out the beer that bares our namesake. The beer tested well in most categories except for a few. Overall, however, Pilsner delivered what we hoped it would and more: fun times and a good sleep!
After much preparation and planning, we were anxious to test our first beer. As this was our first scientific exploration in beer research, we spent the first little while brainstorming ideas on how we would rate any and all beers we tested. We also jotted down our initial reactions to several aspects of the beer such as taste, head, and drinkability. As the night progressed, there were several things that occured that we did not expect:
It's really hard to concentrate on the mission after a ton of beer. We become unsatisfied with just drinking our beer normally. Oh no, we had to chug, shotgun and wear our beer to amuse ourselves.
STEVE'S first reaction to the taste:
"After 8 draft beer and 5 bottles, guess what people. I'm loaded. The Simpsons are on and Marge is looking really sexy. I had lots beer. Pilsner is really great but I will tell you now that I will tell you tomorrow if it was worth it ...oops I farted. Yeah!"
REED'S first reaction to the taste:
"Even though my mouth still tastes like the grilled cheese sandwich I just inhaled, I am impressed by my initial findings. The beer's light creme texture nips at my palate and leaves a slight woody after-taste. There is a party in my mouth and the beer is the guest of honor. Then again, I have no idea what I'm talking about!"
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STELLA ARTOIS
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Type of beer: Pilsner
Brewer: Stella Artois - Belgium
Drinkability: A fast sipper
Price we paid: 12.40 / 6 bottles
Beer Goggle Rating: Possible euro-hoes showing up.
Lable Appearance: Very fancy-pants like. Classy yet not overly snobbish.
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 bottles.
This week we decided to try something a little offbeat, but not too crazy, so we gave Stella Artois the nod. This is considered a "premium" import beer as it is very full flavored (not to mention expensive!). This beer, although not bad, did not fare well with the crew for a number of reasons. The foremost reason was the extremely annoying non-twist off cap which rendered the beer virtually impossible (and useless) to open without a strong pair of manly hands (a rarity around here) or to drink without cutting into our lips. Also, the very full flavor makes it a tough beer to drink an excessive amount of (for the amateur at least). Nevertheless, it would be a great beer to have while playing a round of golf or sitting by the pool.
But she's a thirstquencher, a bit skunky due to the green bottles. A nice clean pilsner beer. Alcohol content is a bit higher but.....what r ya going to do? Even the pee factor was low. Approximately 2 pees per 6 pack.
DUSTIN'S first reaction to the taste:
"Definitely a sipping beer - the taste sits in the back of my throat. It really needs hot wings or nachos to go with but I think all you girls know how that is."
BRYCE'S first reaction to the taste:
"Very full flavor thats sits with you. Its kinda like chewing on tinfoil that was just used to cook fish, but that's not too bad. It's too strong to be a chugger. It's more of a "buzz" beer. This is what a borderline homosexual would bring to a frat party where everyone else is going hard on the beer bong. But then again, I dont drink hardly anymore so what the hell do I know?"
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