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  Film Reviews: Because He’s The Most Boring Husband EVER: Unfaithful  

Wednesday, February 26
Because He’s The Most Boring Husband EVER: Unfaithful
The Oscar Nominations have come out. This means that I will compulsively seek out every single film nominated for an award so that I can fill out my ballot in its entirety. Diane Lane is nominated in the Best Actress Category for her performance in this film.

I watched this on Pay-Per-View, and found the most entertaining part of the entire film was director Adrain Lyne’s assertion that there was no reason for Diane Lane’s character to have an affair because her life was so idyllic.

I laughed out loud.

You see, Ms. Lane had every reason known to man to step out on her husband. Yes, she’s married to Richard Gere. But this is not sexy Richard Gere, this is boring Richard Gere in glasses who gets excited about powder blue cashmere sweaters. This is a Richard Gere who has a child with Diane Lane that is not adorable – no, it’s the annoying little brother from “Malcolm in the Middle” that is saddled with “Mom, you’re driving me bonkers” as a catchphrase.

I’m surprised she wasn’t sleeping with everyone in her small New York country town. I give her credit for holding out for the 28-year-old French kid that just happens to memorize relevant passages of poetry for housewives that have suddenly realized that their lives are incredibly dull and will soon pass into middle age without knowing the passionate touch of a younger man with an accent.

I remember the trailers for this film. It promised all sorts of passionate sex scenes. The trailer went on and on about “from the director that brought you “9 ½ Weeks” and “Fatal Attraction.” That trailer so lied about everything.

I suppose that compared to uber-bore Gere, sex with the French kid seems exciting. After all kid lives in SoHo, collects books and wears an old coat that is at least three sizes too big. My apologies to any readers that feel this review has suddenly gotten too “hot.”

I look back on Lyne’s two aforementioned films and remember a man that knew a lot about passion in compromising positions. But in these films, we had people filled with passion and desire. In “Unfaithful,” however, we simply have attractive people that happen to have sex. This is perhaps the main reason for the “plot twist.” Perhaps, deep-down, Lyne knew that not even having these characters use the F-word to describe their afternoon encounters would be enough to sustain the film for another hour.

But hey, we get to see more of “bonkers!” kid after that. And why not put the husband and wife in a situation that binds them together even though they desperately want to be apart? Blah, blah, blah.

What It’s Worth: If you have HBO, wait for the multi-view, and make sure that nothing as important as “Trading Spaces” reruns are on if you decide to devote 2 hours to the watching of this film.

Annoying Theater Goer: As this was pay-per-view, dog barked a lot during film.

Main Reason To See This Film: You have a compulsive need to watch all films that involve Oscar Nominations.

Main Reason Not To See This Film: Heavy-handed “imagery” that is meant to bring “deeper” meaning to film – it succeeds only in further underscoring fact that Lyne thinks his audience is stupid.

MPAA Rating: R

Nudity: Yes (duh).

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