This page is dedicated to the humor of everyone's favorite firstbaseman Rob Clark of P.I. Painting.  Below are some of Rob's best posts.  There will of course be more to come.

Top Ten Reasons Rhynd Didn't Make The All-Star Team...AGAIN

10. We need someone to pitch during the Home Run hitting contest - and who better to give up taters than Rhynd?

9.If Rhynd played in the All-Star game, who would we get to keep the Port-A-Potty clean for the rest of us?

8. League By-Laws state that Rhynd can't even be an alternate to come into the game when one of the PI hotheads gets ejected.

7. Lack of self-made videos on YouTube campaigning for All-Star votes really hurt Rhynd's vote totals.

6. Rhynd was unfairly blackballed over confusion that the guy intentionally dropping girl's pop-ups to turn 2 and running into people on the bases on purpose was "Jon" and not "Shawn"...

5. Good news and Bad news: The good news is Rhynd can spend the extra time with his cutie daughter. The bad news is Rhynd finished a distant 5th in the Internet Vote for All-Star Courtesy Runner.

4. People weren't sure if Rhynd would be back in time from Saskatchewan after Jen Bernier's 30th Birthday Bash

3. Dude. The hat.

2. Someone heard Rhynd saying he may not be able to get the day off from work and...wait a minute! Work?? What am I saying???

And the NUMBER ONE REASON:

1.There is still bitterness around the League after the one year that Rhynd DID make the All-Star team but blew off his team, causing them to forfeit - something about Nicole Darcy, the Big Top Party Truck, a bumper.... ???? 

Trying to explain why he was ejected from the game

In my defense, Your Honor...

Someone put a Dill Pickle sunflower seed in my tupperware of BBQ seeds...that started it all. You know how that can taint a batch of seeds?? (I don't know either - I just wanted to type "taint" on the website...) Then the umpire tells me I'm only the 2nd best Clark in the league - says that Ray Clarke for Crackers is a stud... At that point I was just gonna rip my jersey off, stomp off the field and go sit in my car and cry with the Air Supply cranked - but I heard that was already pulled after the Hookslide's game - so I just started yelling. (Thanks to Ramon for translating my rant into Spanish in real-time for the on-lookers on that side of the field.) I wouldn't have gotten through it all without the love and support from my friends at the Firefighters Club....and Trains - you don't know how much those fielding tips in the Mens room mean. Thanks! PIG ROAST hosted by Wendy Russo at Big Stick's next Saturday night! HOLLA!!

 

On PI Painting's slow start

Top Ten Reasons PI Paint Is Off To A Rough 1-2 Start

10. Feelings are still hurt we weren't invited to the Season Kickoff Bar Crawl

9. Already feeling the pressure to go Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back

8. Inability to sign Bobby Cooper in the off-season still stings

7. Everybody got nice new uniforms, but due to a printing error, ours says "HTC Painting"...(and we're pi$$ed the Warriors stole our new colors!)

6. Illegal, juiced bats don't work that well when it's only 50 degrees out

5. The Girls are averaging only .012, and The Boys are distracted by newcomer Lindsay Picano's Jennie Finch Mizuno Model push-up bra...

4. Imbimbo can't focus on the mound with the rumors swirling about Filthy Animal Corey replacing him as Player/Coach

3. Sorely lacking the cleanup-hitter power a Jon (don't call me JoHnathon) Rhynd can provide...

2. We $uck and we are overrated.

And - the NUMBER ONE REASON:

1. We are all just so caught up in the details of planning Got A Beer's 30th Birthday Celebration. Have you heard she's turning 30?? June 28th?? You only turn 30 once, you know!! Suggestions welcome!

BROLLA! (n.) a tough guy; goon

COLLA! (n.) What Officer INFANTRY! yells after making an arrest

DOLLA! (n.) HTC's favorite menu at McDonalds

POLLA! (n.) hogantire29's favorite judge on American Idol / all-time favorite choreographer

SCHOLLA! (n.) someone with a very high IQ (probably won't need to use this one for this league...)

SMOLLA! (adj.) what you yell at a guy after he gets out of the frigid ocean or pool

TOLLA! (adj.) what you yell when describing anybody standing next to PI Paint slugger Kirk Legatos

HTC Starting Line-Up

1. Steve Sanders
2. Kelly Taylor
3. Brandon Walsh
4. Dylan McKay
5. David Silver
6. Brenda Walsh (goes to Paris in Inning 4, replaced by Valerie Malone)
7. Donna Martin Graduates!
8. Andrea Zuckerman
9. Ray(dogg)Pruitt (performing "How Do You Talk To An Angel?" in between doubleheaders)
10. Clare Arnold

Bench Coach: Nat-catt (Peach Pit)
Reserves: Emily Valentine, Toni Marchette, Jesse Velazquez, Cindy Walsh (Team Mom)

9
H O L L A!
2
1
0

Place Your Bets! - Hogan Tire vs Bombers

Sunday's Line: 5/20/07

More Hits Combined?
Sue and Wendy or the HTC 9-13-24 Trifecta

More?
Bombers runs or number of times "HOLLA" is yelled

More innings played Sunday?
Bobby Cooper or Rachel "MC" Hauswirth

More?
Juan Flete HR vs. PI Paint or Imbimbo "jump spin hand claps" on the mound

Total bases?
Raydogg (2 4 Ballin!) or Big Stick (24-pack Callin!)

Total Beers?
Big Stick or Jen Bernier

More votes?
Jordin Sparks on American Idol or Ryan Jordan voting on the website poll

What lasts longer?
Bombers vs. HTC or the Lemire/Faust nuptuals (Best wishes, kids!)

Next to hit a bomb?
Chip Butler or Mikey Walsh

How old my 6 year old will be when they hit it?
3rd grade
High School grad
College grad

P I 8
Peace....

Top Ten Reasons I Dropped The Ball

10. I was screened by Imbimbo's gut.

9. I grabbed the tee ball glove out of my bag by accident. (Yeah, Big Stick!)

8. Pablo was yelling at me asking how I get such a close shave on my head. (Gillette Fusion, pal)

7. All I kept thinking was: "Gee, I wonder what Cooper is doing today?"

6. I was trying to get the Vegas Porn Card out of my pocket to give the number to Chip.

5. I was nervous raydogg was still pissed and was going to show up early to kick my a$$ because of the "Down Wit HTC" post.

4. Moose Kuenzler was putting his cup in for the next game and I was distracted...(but I now know why he's got the nickname "Moose"!)

3. Just flat out dropped it. Gettin' old you know. Plus, maybe I deserve it for being a wise a$$ on the site.

2. Hauswirth was trying to show me the Chinese letters tattooed on her foot that spell "R - O - B"...

and the NUMBER ONE reason I dropped the ball:

1. That's what happens when the nice lady in the Snack Shack across the street flashes me!

Ya down wit HTC

HTC, how can I 'splain it, I'll take it frame-by-frame it, to see if we can name it :

H is for Hogan, T is for Tire, scratch your temple...C is for champs? Well, that's not so simple.

Ya gotta show and then ya go and play a game that's clean -
Hit & throw so you don't blow and end up at 0 and 18.
Raydogg and Stevie you best believe me and make sure you bring it-
Just don't bore us, here comes the chorus, the whole league can help me sing it!

Ya down wit HTC? Yeah you know me!
How 'bout wit Rusty G's? Yeah you know me!
The HitMen if you please? Yeah you know me!
The Bombers in a breeze...

Beers down wit HTC? Yeah you know me!
Molly's/SkyBox feelin' me? Yeah you know me!
Brew Crew and H-Kellys? Yeah you know me!
P.I. Paint goin' for 3....

Super Cooper

Actually - the league took a vote and decided that on September 9th (9/9) all players will wear Number 9 to honor Big Top.

Way To Go, Rhynd!

Name the Band Contest!

Text the letter of your vote to 42207 - the winning name will be announced on Opening Day and one lucky entrant will get to play the tamborine on stage with the band!

A. Johnny Guns and the Iron Pumpers
B. Menudo '07
C. Pork Rhynds
D. Taking Back Sunday (oh...already taken)
E. Who's Bobby Cooper
F. Goin' Yard
G. Vega$ $trip (oops - that's the name of the Girls' weekend documentary...)
H. Acoustic Jelly
I. Liqour in the Front, Poker in the Rear

GOOD LUCK!!

Sue Crew!

Sue's Pub peppiness was pretty persuasive and predominantly prohibitive while partying and performing a practically perfect and provocative Porn Pamphlet Presentation!

(say THAT 5 times fast...)

Response to Rhynd's bragging about his pitching

"Well, ya know Mean Gene, I've thrown my share of one-hitters in this league, but I'm makin' the move to the outfield....I've been hangin' and bangin' in the gym, sheddin' the pounds, makin' the rounds, stayin' out of the bars in town....

It's Rhynd-Time, baby! Sayin' my prayers, takin' the vitamins - these pythons are ready to rock-n-roll!!

With my crazy dances I groove it, chicks diggin' the way I can move it, postin' tons of doctored photos to prove it!

Lookin' to take the SkyBox higher, I'm sellin' the goods and lookin' for a buyer, so feared on the mound I made Bobby Cooper retire!!!

I'm one half of the 6th most-feared power duo in all of the LSNCS!

WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN RHYND-A-MANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!??!"

INFANTRY! Caption Contest

"When I asked about cage time, THIS is what I meant!"

"Yes, you're still under arrest...but can I get a quick picture to post on my softball website?"

"Sweetheart - what are you doing wearing Bobby Cooper's shorts?"

"got Wood?"

"Rhynd ain't the only one that can pose with fine lookin' babes. I'll post this while he's busy proposing to HauNswirth!"

"Hopefully she won't notice the can of pepper spray on the ground behind her...."

"You are definitely better than that Antonella chick on 'American Idol'!"

"No...I don't play for P.I. Paint. But I can introduce you to those guys."

P to the I to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S!

PI Painting definition: make them teams go loco
Rhynd is upset cuz he doesn't like our photo!

Cooper quit and Moose jumped ship,
T and Pablo they got new teams.
If ya down wit the 3-PEAT
Sing along with our new theme -

P.I.-LICIOUS!

(You wanna piece-a what we got?)
P.I.-LICIOUS!

(H.Mae sez we're hot-hot!)
SO DELICIOUS!

(Whose up next for a title shot?)
P.I.-LICIOUS!

Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-THREE PEAT - THREE PEAT!

(C)2006 LSNCS Records