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Useless Information
The average lifespan of a major league baseball?..........7 pitches. Little League according to Yogi "Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets." "Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house." "If people don't want to come to the park, how ya gonna stop them?" Casey At The Bat
Published June 3, 1888 The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day: The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play. And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same, A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game. A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast; They thought, if only Casey could get but a whack at that - We'd pit up even money, now, with Casey at the bat. But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake, And the former was a lulu and the latter was a cake; So upon that stricken multitude from melancholy sat, For there seemed but little chance of Casey's getting to the bat. But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all, And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball; And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred, There was Johnny safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third. Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell; It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell; It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat, For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat. There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place; There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face. And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat, No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Casey at the bat. Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt; Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt. Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip, Defiance gleamed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip. And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air, And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there. Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped. "That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one," the umpire said. From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar, Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore. "Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand; And its likely they'd a-killed him had not Casey raised his hand. With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shown; He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on; He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew; But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, "Strike two." "Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, an echo answered fraud; But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed. They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain, And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again. The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate; He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate. And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go, And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow. Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright; The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out. Who's On First? By Bud Abbott amd Lou Costello > Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want? > Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names? > Abbott: Oh sure. > Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names. > Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names. > Costello: You mean funny names. > Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean - > Costello: His brother Daffy - > Abbott: Daffy Dean - > Costello: And their cousin! > Abbott: Who's that? > Costello: Goofy! > Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. > Costello: That's what I wanna find out. > Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third - > Costello: You know the fellows' names? > Abbott: Certainly! > Costello: Well then who's on first? > Abbott: Yes! > Costello: I mean the fellow's name! > Abbott: Who! > Costello: The guy on first! > Abbott: Who! > Costello: The first baseman! > Abbott: Who! > Costello: The guy playing first! > Abbott: Who is on first! > Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for? > Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first. > Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first! > Abbott: That's the man's name. > Costello: That's who's name? > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. > Abbott: Who. > Costello: The guy on first. > Abbott: Who! > Costello: The first baseman. > Abbott: Who is on first! > Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman? > Abbott: Absolutely. > Costello: Who signs the contract? > Abbott: Well, naturally! > Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? > Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it. > Costello: Who is? > Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. > Costello: Who's wife? > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. > Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base. > Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second. > Abbott: Who is on first. > Costello: I don't know. > Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him. > Costello: Now, how did I get on third base? > Abbott: You mentioned his name! > Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? > Abbott: No - Who's playing first. > Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third. > Abbott: No - What's on second. > Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second. > Abbott: Who's on first. > Costello: I don't know. > Abbott: He's on third. > Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it? > Abbott: What was it you wanted? > Costello: Now who's playin' third base? > Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base? > Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there? > Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there. > Costello: What's the guy's name on third base? > Abbott: What belongs on second. > Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second. > Abbott: Who's on first. > Costello: I don't know. > Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE! > Costello: You got an outfield? > Abbott: Oh yes! > Costello: The left fielder's name? > Abbott: Why. > Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you. > Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you. > Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field. > Abbott: Who is playing fir- > Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name. > Abbott: What's on second. > Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second. > Abbott: Who's on first. > Costello: I don't know. > Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE! > Costello: The left fielder's name? > Abbott: Why. > Costello: Because! > Abbott: Oh, he's center field. > Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team? > Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher. > Costello: The pitcher's name. > Abbott: Tomorrow. > Costello: You don't wanna tell me today? > Abbott: I'm tellin' you now. > Costello: Then go ahead. > Abbott: Tomorrow. > Costello: What time? > Abbott: What time what? > Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching? > Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir- > Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name. > Abbott: What's on second. > Costello: I don't know. > Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE! > Costello: You got a catcher? > Abbott: Oh, absolutely. > Costello: The catcher's name. > Abbott: Today. > Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching. > Abbott: Now you've got it. > Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team. > Abbott: Well, I can't help that. >Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too. > Abbott: I know that. > Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up. > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? > Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. > Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about! > Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do. > Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base. > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: Now who's got it? > Abbott: Naturally! > Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it? > Abbott: Naturally! > Costello: Who caught it? > Abbott: Naturally. > Costello: Who? > Abbott: Naturally! > Costello: Naturally. > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. > Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it. > Costello: Naturally. > Abbott: That's right. There we go. > Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. > Abbott: You don't! > Costello: I throw it to who? > Abbott: Naturally. > Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! > Abbott: You're not saying it that way. > Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally. > Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to Who. > Costello: Naturally! > Abbott: Well, say that! > Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who? > Abbott: Naturally. > Costello: Ask me. > Abbott: You throw the ball to Who. > Costello: Naturally. > Abbott: That's it. > Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it? > Abbott: Naturally! > Costello: Who has it? > Abbott: Naturally! > Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play. > Abbott: Yes. > Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn! > Abbott: What was that? > Costello: I said I don't give a darn! > Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop. How "Scooter" Keeps Score One of the great joys of attending a ballgame lies in keeping score. While there are many particular variations, the fundamentals of scorekeeping never really change; K is a strikeout, BB is a base on balls, 1B is a single, etc. That's why one night, a co-announcer of Phil Rizzuto was mystified when upon looking over the Hall of Famer's shoulder he saw the notation "WW" in the box for a player's recent at bat. Never having seen such a thing and hoping for a pearl of baseball insight, he asked Phil what "WW" meant. The answer?......."Wasn't watching." Quote of the Week- Retired
"The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any." . . .Fred Astaire, dancer,actor "Competition...It brings out the best in products...And the worst in people". ... Gen. Robert Sarnoff, founder, RCA. "If you're not having fun playing baseball, you kinda miss the whole point" ...Chris Chambliss |
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