| |
Admin
Last updated
12-08-09 10:38 PM
 
Lighthouse Wave
Kathy McDowell
Southampton Road & Roosevelt Blvd.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
19116
|
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
 Food for Thought |
|
Monday, September 25
INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE!
A mother was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her son. Suddenly, the boy burst into the kitchen.
Careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my goodness! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL!!! I said to be careful!!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!
The mother stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The son calmly replied.................."I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm trying to play soccer."
A COACH'S LETTER TO PARENTS
by Dr. Darrell J. Burnett
Dear Parents,
Here are some hints on how to make this a fun season, with lots of positive memories for your kids and your family.
1. Make sure your kids know that, win or lose, you love them. Be the person in their life they can always look to for support.
2. Try to be completely honest with yourself about your kids' athletic capability, their competitive attitude, their sportsmanship, and their level of skills.
3. Be helpful, but don't coach your kids on the way to the game or at the breakfast table. Think how tough it must be on them to be continually inundated with advice, pep talks, and criticism.
4. Teach your kids to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be out there trying, to be constantly working to improve their skills, to take physical bumps and come back for more. Don't tell them that winning doesn't count because it does, and they know it. Instead, help them develop a healthy competitive attitude, a "feel" for competing, for trying hard, for having a good time.
5. Try not to live your life through your kids. You've lost as well as won, you've been frightened, and you've backed off at times. Sure they're an extension of you, but don't assume they feel the same way you did, want the same things, or have the same attitude.
6. Don't push them in the direction that gives you the most satisfaction. Don't compete with your kids' coaches. A coach may become a hero to your kids for a while, someone who can do no wrong, and you may find that hard to take. Conversely, don't automatically side with your kids against their coaches. Try to help them understand the necessity for discipline, rules, and regulations.
7. Don't compare your kids with other players on their team - at least not within their hearing - don't lie to them about their capabilities as a player. If you are overly protective, you will perpetuate the problem.
8. Get to know your kids' coaches. Make sure you approve of each coach's attitude and ethics. Coaches can be influential, and you should know the values of each coach so that you can decide whether or not you want them passed on to your kids.
9. Remember that children tend to exaggerate. Temper your reactions to stories they bring home from practice or the game about how they were praised or criticized. Don't criticize them for exaggerating, but don't overreact to the stories they tell you.
10. Teach your kids the meaning of courage. Some of us can climb mountains, but are frightened about getting into a fight. Some of us can fight without fear, but turn to jelly at the sight of a bee. Everyone is frightened about something. Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is learning to perform in spite of fear. Courage isn't getting rid of fear. It's overcoming it.
11. Winning is an important goal. Winning at all costs is stupidity.
12. Remember that officials are necessary. Don't overreact to their calls. They have rules and guidelines to follow representing authority on the field. Teach your kids to respect authority and to play by the rules.
13. Finally, remember, if the kids aren't having fun, we're missing the whole point of youth sports.
SPORTSMANSHIP VS GAMESMANSHIP
In the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Germany's Luz Long, one of the world's best broad jumpers, was looking forward to competing against the great U.S. track and field star, Jesse Owens, the world-record holder. Owens, however, foot-faulted on his first two qualifying jumps and, down to one last chance to qualify, was in danger of missing the competition. Seeing Owens pacing in agitation, Long suggested that Owens make a mark several inches before the takeoff board to avoid fouling again.
It worked, Owens qualified by a centimeter, then kept right on going, beating out Long for the gold medal.
This story illustrates the most noble dimension of a concept called sportsmanship, which some argue is a relic of a time gone by. Inherent in the idea of sportsmanship is the love of competition. As John Naber, the multiple gold-medal Olympic swimmer, says, "A true sportsman wants to compete against his best opponent on his best day." Without that, winning just doesn't mean as much. Yet, could you imagine a modern American athlete doing what Long did? And if he did, would he be viewed as a hero or a jerk? If he were your son, would you be proud or appalled?
When the admirable qualities of honor, fair play and respect are reflected in sports, we are uplifted and inspired. Conversely, when sports programs showcase the barbaric qualities of bullies and braggarts and are pervaded by cheating, our society is demeaned. According to the Citizenship Through Sports Alliance, a collaboration of major professional and amateur sports organizations, there is "a worrisome decline in sportsmanship and ethical conduct in sports, a deterioration that permeates sports competition from the youth leagues to the professional leagues." When we consider the shocking conduct of parents and other adults involved in youth sports, it's clear that this breakdown "extends beyond the courts and fields--it involves athletes, their families, coaches, officials, fans, institutional administrators, corporate sponsors, the media and the public at large." Surely, the growing incivility of society is a factor, but most people recognize that sports can be a cause and effect in the decline of sportsmanship. Much of the problem stems from confusion as to what is "part of the game." The trend is to ignore rules and traditions of a sport in favor of anything that provides an advantage. Without thinking of the implications, many good people have bought into gamesmanship, the antithesis of sportsmanship. Sportsmanship is about the honorable pursuit of victory. Gamesmanship is just about victory, where winning by fooling the referee is just as good as winning by outperforming a competitor. As some would say, "It's only cheating if you get caught."
In fact, that's exactly what U.S. women's soccer goalie Briana Scurry said two years ago when her team won the World Cup after she had blocked a penalty kick by deliberately jumping off the line too early. As she'd hoped, the ref didn't make the call. Getting away with whatever you can is a crucial tenet of gamesmanship. So it's OK to fake fouls to disqualify opponents, or injuries to get another timeout.
In college football, coaches once bought gloves the color of opponents' uniforms to conceal holding, until the NCAA banned the practice. Many coaches encourage athletes to get away with as much grabbing, pulling and holding as they can. I've had lots of sessions with elite athletes and their high school counterparts and it's almost impossible to find something they wouldn't do if they thought it would work.
Last year, I was questioning a highly respected WNBA player about cheating before a large audience. She told of a time a teammate had been fouled but, because the ref wasn't very vigilant, she had gone to the free-throw line instead. "Was that cheating?" she asked. She was thunderstruck when the audience overwhelmingly said it was. "Every coach I ever had taught me to do that," she said. After thinking about it, she agreed it had been cheating and apologized. In sports, a lot of good people are doing bad things because they don't know any better.
But how can we tell what is really part of the game, what is a fair versus an unfair advantage? It's easy. Just look at the rules that define the game and determine what skills the game was created to emphasize. Some favor brute strength, others speed or quickness, others stress accuracy or endurance. In considering any unquestionable tactic, all you have to do is ask whether it demonstrates a skill the game was designed to measure. Isn't it clear that if the groundskeeper is one of your most valuable players, this isn't pure sport anymore? Another way to look at it: If it's part of the game, it ought to be taught to its highest level of proficiency. Would it be proper to teach the tactic at all levels of the sport? Should we teach athletes how to taunt more effectively, or to conceal the use of performance-enhancing drugs? So we should be outraged by the Arizona youth softball team that took advantage of a loophole in the rules of a girls' league by stacking the team with boys, and disgusted by parents of athletes in the Special Olympics who exaggerate disabilities to put their athletes in categories where they can win more easily.
At its core, sportsmanship is about the ethics of sports. It establishes the basic principles that govern honorable competition. In an era in which it is common to hear, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough," it's tempting to think that ethics and sportsmanship are for wimps. To the contrary, the concept of pursuing victory with honor is not to lessen the drive toward victory but to heighten the commitment to honor, and to make clear that to someone who truly loves sports, there is no victory without honor. Once the concept of sportsmanship is understood, the difference between being declared a winner and really winning is evident. — Michael Josephson
I'm Proud to Be an American by Les Herrman
WHAT REALLY COUNTS
by Larry Hughes
A few years ago I was refereeing a U-8 game in Phoenix. The playing field was right under the approach for planes and helicopters landing at Luke Air Force Base. The players were all trying their hardest to advance the ball in the direction of their opponents' goal. In other words, the beehive was on the move.
Suddenly, we heard the whirling noise of four helicopters above moving in unison toward their destination. The play stopped dead in the middle of the field and all looked to the sky to see these beautiful flying machines - all, that is, except one player with one thing on his mind, to score. He dribbled his best through and around all the gawking players and the referee and shot the ball into the net. Needless to say, he was celebrating big time, shouting, "I scored! I scored! I scored! His celebration was cut short when one player said to him, "So What? You didn't see the helicopters.
" Remember, coaches, referees and parents, it's what's important to the children that counts! Reprinted by permission from American Youth Soccer Organization
PARENT'S PERSPECTIVES
Attitude in Youth Sports: Parents Set the Tone
("Hey, Mom & Dad, Your Attitude is Showing!")
by Darrell J. Burnett, Ph.D.
Attitude is defined as "a person's behavior, which indicates his/her thoughts, feelings, or opinions." In youth sports, you can tell kids' attitudes by watching their behaviors during practice or a game. If they see the game as a game, with an opportunity to learn skills, compete, increase confidence, and have fun, they're able to go with the flow, have fun, and relax. Overall, they show a sense of humor and a sense of good sportsmanship. They're able to learn from their mistakes.
However, if they see the game as a pressure-filled event, with winning as the only acceptable outcome, most of their energies will be spent trying not to make mistakes. If they make mistakes (which is inevitable in youth sports), they'll use lots of energy making excuses, blaming others, complaining about officials, etc.
How do kids develop their attitudes? As the saying goes, "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." As parents, we have to be aware that our behaviors often set the tone for our kids' attitudes toward youth sports. As adults, we often tend to focus on the "end product", rather than the "process". When an adult arrives at game's end, and sees the kids coming off the field, what is the first word out of his/her mouth? It's usually, "Who won?" or "Did you score any goals (get any hits, etc)?" With our emphasis on the end product, we run the risk of teaching our kids to focus on outcome rather than process (skill improvement). Mistakes are no longer viewed as opportunities to learn. They are seen as occasions of failure.
Research has shown that elite athletes focus on tasks, not trophies. That is, they focus on the process of their skill development, measuring their progress in terms of frequency, duration, or intensity. They have an intense desire to win, but most of their energy is spent competing against themselves. Success in their eyes is measured by progress, not trophy size.
As parents, if we're looking to develop a positive attitude in our kids, we would do well to watch our own behaviors at athletic events. Do we give positive encouragement, or critical judgmental remarks? Do we show a calm demeanor, or heated overreactions to mistakes? Do we praise participation, or game statistics? Next time you go to a game, remember, your attitude is showing, and your kids are watching.
Ed. note: Dr. Darrell Burnett is a clinical and sport psychologist, author, and lecturer. This article provided by Dr. Richard Stratton, Health and Physical Education Program, Virginia Tech
PARENTS & SPORTSMANSHIP
by Dr. Darrell J. Burnett
Parental duties can't be ignored on playing field. Pick up a sports page and you get a stark picture of the world of competitive sports - corporate sponsorship, fierce competition and a win-at-any-cost mentality. For decades, recreational youth sports has been the beacon of hope for maintaining the purity of sport, where unsportsmanlike conduct has been the rare exception. And yet, even at a level where 20 million youngsters play in leagues throughout the USA, the sign of a decline in sportsmanship are evident: talking trash, challenging officials, refusing to shake hands with the opponent after the game, making excuses after every loss - and that's just the parents! We reveal our true selves through sports. And like it or not, our kids are watching us … looking to us as role models of good sportsmanship.
Youth sports are supposedly an avenue to teach values to kids: teamwork, hard work and practice, handling and learning from mistakes, developing confidence and winning and losing gracefully. Most parents are conscientious about their parenting role. And yet, it constantly amazes me what some parents "reveal" about their character when it comes to their behavior in youth sports.
Some examples: A team of 8- and 9-year-olds lost a baseball game in the last inning after the right fielder dropped a fly ball. One of the dads on the losing team said, loud enough for the coach and right fielder to hear, "We would have won if the coach would have played that kid in the middle of the game. Everybody knows he can't catch the ball. Why did the coach put him out there with everything on the line?"
The mother of a girls basketball team that won 51-19 in a tournament for 11- to 12-year-olds, in full earshot of the parents of the losing team, "I guess that team has never seen a real full-court press before. I can't believe their coach didn't teach them how to beat a press. Oh, well, maybe it taught them not to come to this level of a tournament until they're ready!"
I was doing baseball umpiring on the bases for a game of 10-year-old boys. A small group of parents from the home team was berating a boy at the plate from the visiting team who had gone hitless his first two times at bat. As he came to bat the third time, the parents yelled to their pitcher, "Here's an automatic out! He swings like a girl! He's afraid up there! Blow it by him!" The batter lowered his head. He struck out a third time for the third out. As the pitcher came off the mound, the same group of parents shouted, "If they had more players like that kid, you'd have a no-hitter!"
Why do parents lose it at youth league games? Sports psychologist Thomas Tutko and other feel that parents get too wrapped up in the competition because they are living vicariously through their children. Other experts feel that parents might be filled with unrealistic expectations, hoping their child will be the next superstar. Consequently, they place too much emphasis on making sure their kid "wins" or "has a great game" or "looks good." Here's hoping we remind ourselves of the significant role we play in the lives of our kids, at their sporting events, and at home.
Parents, Put fun first Checklist for parents in youth sports -- on and off the field:
1. I maintain a "Fun is No. 1" attitude.
2. I treat officials, coaches, my kids, their teammates and their opponents with respect and avoid ridicule or sarcasm.
3. I praise my kids, their teammates and opponents just for participating, regardless of their athletic skills.
4. I remember to look for positives with my kids, their teammates and their opponents.
5. I remain calm when my kids or their teammates make a mistake and help them learn from their mistakes.
6. I remind my kids and their teammates not to get down on themselves when things don't go well.
7.I try not to take myself too seriously when it comes to my involvement in youth sports, reminding myself that there is life beyond youth sports.
8. I remind myself and my kids to laugh and keep a sense of humor.
9. I emphasize teamwork in team sports with my kids, teaching them to think "we" instead of "me".
10. I teach my kids by giving them a good example of good sportsmanship: winning without gloating and losing without complaining.
Dr. Darrell Burnett is a clinical and sport psychologist with more than 20 years in private practice.
|
|
