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1.Softball Riddle?? |
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| What do Real Estate and softball pitchers have in common?? Location,Location,Location. |
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2.What is a runner's main goal once they reach base? |
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| Answer. To score-No! To distract and annoy the pitcher and catcher as much as possible!!! |
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3.What do successful people and coaches have in common? |
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| Answer-"absolutely nothing" |
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4.I Need The Ice |
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| A softball coach went to see a Psychiatrist recently. The coach tried to explain that he was really there bacause of his wife. The Psychiatrist asked "what's wrong with your wife?" "She thinks she's a refrigerator" replied the coach. "Why don't you have her committed" asked the Psychiatrist. "I would but I need the ice!" |
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5.Thanks for the Yellow Tie! |
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| Not too long ago,a softball coach was given a yellow tie on his birthday by his team. After a puzzeled look the coach gave a toothy grin and asked "what's with the yellow tie?" "We thought it matched your teeth" said the team! |
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6.College Softball Coaches |
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| What is the difference between a college softball coach and recreational coaches? College coaches get paid for standing around! |
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7.Softball in Heaven |
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5/21/2003 2:11pm |
| Two FP softball players had been friends all their lives,one the catcher and the other the pitcher. The two players were now very old and it seems the catcher was now on her death bed. Her long-time friend, the pitcher said to her dying catcher "I need for you to do me one more favor before you pass on." "What now?" said the catcher. "After you die and go to heaven you must get word back to me as soon as possible and let me know if there is softball in heaven!" "So be it" said the catcher as she passed on. Several nights passed when the pitcher was awakened from a deep sleep and saw the ghost of her catcher at the foot of the bed. The catcher/ghost told her old friend,"I have good news and bad news!" The pitcher asked "what's the good news?" "There is softball in heaven!" replied the catcher. "The bad news is that you are supposed to start tomorrow!" |
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8.Advice from Lisa Fernandez |
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| When several slow-pitch players asked Lisa Fernandez recently about some advice regarding their game, she replied, "Quit while you still can." |
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9.Dot Richardson on Golf vs Softball |
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| Dot Richardson was overheard once telling a teamate that one reason she favors softball over golf is "when I hit the ball, I want someone else to chase it!" |
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10.Michelle Smith on becoming a pitcher |
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| When asked why she switched from being a catcher to a pitcher, Michelle Smith reportedly replied, "When I started to throw the ball back to the pitcher harder than she was throwing to me, we changed positions!" |
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11.Coach Mike Candrea on Diapers |
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| Legendary softball coach Mike Candrea(Univ of Arizona) on how he learned to fold diapers,"You cross first base over to third base and home plate to second." |
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12.Puppy vs Parent |
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| What is the difference between a softball parent and a puppy? A puppy will eventually stop whining! (credit link fastball) |
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13.Screw in a light bulb |
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| How many travel softball parents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Impossible! They are too busy complaining about their daughter's playing time! (Thanks to Travel Ball) |
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14.Chicken on the field |
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| What did the umpires yell when the chicken ran onto the field? Answer "FOWL" |
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15.Softball Field-riddle |
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| What goes all the way around the softball field but never moves? "The fence" |
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16.Running from 2B to 3B |
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| Why does it seem to take longer to run from 2B to 3B than it does 1B to 2B? There's a shortstop between 2B and 3B! |
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17.Closing the softball field |
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| When the coach asked why the softball field was closed, he was told "2 blondes in the bleachers drowned while doing the wave!" |
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18.Softball players are Cool! |
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| Why are softball players so cool? Because they always have their fans! |
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19.Team motto |
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| The new team motto, "The Lebanon Intimidators, where excellence meets absurdity." |
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20.Nuns in the Bleachers |
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| During a softball tournament, the were three parents sitting behind some nuns who were blocking their view. The first parent said "I wish we were in Gallatin because they have only 15 nuns." The next parent said "I wish we were in Hendersonville, they have only 12 nuns." The last parent replies, "in Lebanon we have just 3 nuns." Finally, one aggravated nun turns around a tells the parents "I wish you were in heck-they don't have any nuns." |
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21.Being a good sport |
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| During the course of a heated softball tournament, a coach gently pulled aside a young player and reminded him about team play and cooperation. He asked if she knew what good sportsmanship was. She nodded her head. The coach then asked the player if she knew one shouldn't curse the umpire or throw things and again the girl nodded. "Good" said the coach, "now go tell your mother!" |
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22.A full Basement |
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| What do you call a basement full of softball parents? "A Whine cellar." |
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23.Cinderella |
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| Why did the coach kick Cinderella off the softball team? Because she ran from the ball! |
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24.Haven't missed a thing! |
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| In the fifth inning of a 0-0 softball game, the father of one of the pitchers just arrived to the park where his wife told him "you haven't missed a thing!" |
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25.Foreigners at a softball game |
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| Two foreigners recently went to a fastpitch softball game for the first time. After several innings, the wife turned to the husband and exclaimed "I don't understand softball at all!" "You don't have to" proclaimed the husband. "Everything is decided upon by a vampire!" |
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26.Michael Jackson's glove |
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| At a softball game, the opposing team's catcher was having a bad day with passed balls and errors. The home team's catcher was quite amused by this and asked "what does Michael Jackson and their catcher have in common? They both wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason!" |
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27.How do you know if your coach is a redneck? |
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| You know your coach is a redneck when he thinks the last words of the national athem are "playball!" |
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28.Clean your room! |
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| After repeatedly asking his daughter to clean up her room, the frustrated father finally announced "If you don't clean your room right now you won't go to heaven!" The girl gave her father a confused look and asked "what is Heaven?" "Heaven is where you can play fastpitch softball all the time!" said the father. "Where do I go if I'm a bad girl?" asked the girl. "You have to spend eternity in slowpitch!" replied the dad.
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29.Balloons and Clean-up Hitters |
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| What do balloons and clean-up hitters have in common? They both produce a lot of pop! |
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30.Out by a hare! |
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| During a softball game, late in the evening, several years ago, a pop fly was hit into right field. Because of darkness, the outfielder could not see the ball and it fell to the ground. During this time a rabbit ran in front of the outfielder who promptly grabbed the animal a threw him to first base. The runner was "out by a hare!" |
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31.Softball and the law |
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| What is the difference between softball and the law? In softball, you are allowed to steal! |
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32.Babe Root |
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| What do you get when you cross a softball player and a tree? A babe root! |
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33.Hit the Books |
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| Why did the softball player take her bat to the Library? Because the teacher said hit the books! |
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34.Eat the Ball |
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| What kind of ball do flies eat? Answer, Fly ball. |
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35.World's Largest Diamond |
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| Where can you find the world's largest diamond? At a softball field! |
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36.Why so Hot? |
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| Why is it so hot after a softball game? Because all the fans leave! |
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37.Bugs on it |
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| What do you call a softball with bugs all over it? A fly ball! |
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38.Finished Last |
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| The only reason we finished last this year is we didn't get to face our own pitchers! |
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39.Practicing soft toss |
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| A young softball player was in her backyard tossing the ball up trying to hit it. After multiple attempts and failures she noticed her dad was watching from the back door. "Gee Dad! I'm a great pitcher! |
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40.Problem in the Outfield |
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| "The only problem we have in the outfield is in catching fly balls." |
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41.Consoling the Team |
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| After an embarassing loss, the coach told his boys "you have nothing to be embarrassed about! You played your hearts out and lost to a better team! In fact, I bet your parents are as proud of you as that other team's parents are of their GIRLS!" |
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42.Confusion at third |
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| Why was the girl at third base so confused? Because the coach said "stay at third" and the mom said "come home!" |
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43. Eighteen Legs |
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| What has 18 legs and catches flies? A softball team? |
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44.Poor swings |
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| One day a coach was so disgusted with the terrible swings his batters were taking that he exclaimed "I've seen better swings on a condemned playground!" |
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45.Cinderella can't Play |
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| Why is Cinderella such a weak player? Because her coach is a pumkin! |
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46.Pitching woes |
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| The high school coach was getting upset with his starting pitcher when he turned to his assistent and whispered "she's working on a new pitch-it's called a strike!" |
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47.She ain't got "D" |
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| A high school coach was getting impatient with his starting SS, and leaned over to his assistent in the dugout and whispered, "she has made routine grounders a thing of the past!" |
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48.Pitcher with Great Stuff |
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| Our pitcher had great stuff today-the other team loved it! |
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49.Wood on the Ball |
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| After 3 players in a row got head in the head with pitchers, one of the coaches commented "that's the most wood we've gotten on the ball all week!" |
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50.Coke at the Ballpark |
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| I love the Coke at the ballpark! It's the best water in town! |
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51.Flag at half-mast |
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| Our team was so bad last year that they flew the flag at half-mast sometimes! |
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52.Peaceful Team |
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| When asked about his team, a coach replied, "we're a very peaceful team, sometimes we go weeks without hitting!" |
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53.Arrid Extra Dry |
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| One of our team sponsors for the year was Arrid Extra Dry deodorant and their billboard was prominently diplayed on the centerfield fence. Under the billboard, someone wrote, "and you still stink!" |
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54.No Flu this Season |
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| After several practices, the high school coach told his assistent, "I don't think we have to worry about catching the flu this year. We can't catch anything!" |
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55.In his job.... |
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| "In his job he doesn't have contact with many people." said the coach. "Really, what does he do" asked a concerned parent. "Oh, he's our 3rd base coach!" |
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56.Diamonds are Forever |
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| Why are softball fields immortal? Because diamonds last forever! |
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57.Weak Offence |
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| They didn't score a lot of runs last year. In fact, the scorekeeper was sick in the hospital and nobody noticed! |
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58.Don't enjoy watching Softball anymore! |
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| Recently, while watching a great fastpitch softball game in a big tournament, the fan next to me confessed "I just don't enjoy these games like I used to. I just come for the watered-down Cokes and cold hot-dogs!" |
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59.Late for School |
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| When Sally was late for school the teacher took her aside for an explanation. Sally explained, "I was dreaming about softball and the game went into extra innings!" |
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60.Scared of player #7 |
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| At a ballgame, several parents asked why is everyone afraid of number 7. A young child replied, "because 789!" |
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61.There are only 3 places.... |
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| A fellow coach once confided in me when he said,"there are only three places in this world where I really feel comfortable. At home, in the office, and on the softball field!" |
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62.Fowl Play |
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| Why was the chicken sent back to the dugout? For "Fowl play!" |
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63.Finishing Last |
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| A coach was complaining that last year his team finished last out of 8 teams. His assistent coach then said, "it could have been worse! There could have been 15 teams in the league!" |
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64."Eur-up" |
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| Suddenly, in the dugout, the softball coach started yelling. Italy,Spain,Germany,Great Britain...."Eur-up" |
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65.The Umpire State |
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| At a softball game recently, a small girl asked her older sister, "Where do umpires come from?" "They come from New York, the Umpire State," giggled the sister. |
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66.Throw it across the plate! |
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| At a game last year, the pitcher threw a ball across a nearby picnic table. When asked why, she answered, "the coach said get the ball across the plate!" |
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67.Good at little Dribblers! |
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| Why are little babies good at ground balls? Because they are used to little dribblers! |
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68.Best kind of Shoes! |
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| What kind of shoes are best for stealing bases? "Sneakers!" |
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69.Softball Junkie |
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| You know you're a softball junkie if;
-Your 2nd job is umpiring at softball games!
-Your idea of quality time with the spouse is being on the same coed team!
-You own more than one SB bat costing 200$ |
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70.Vampires like softball |
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| Why do vampires like playing softball? Because there are always plenty of bats! |
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71.The Cow strikes out! |
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| How did the cow feel after it struck out? Like an "udder failure!" |
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72.The pop fly |
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| Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Well, don't worry, it's way over your head! |
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73.Softball in the Bible |
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| When was softball first mentioned in the Bible? Answer, "In the BIGinning, God..." |
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74.Soccer player |
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| What do you call a player who can't catch or throw? A soccer player! (wt's mom) |
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75.Hey umpire! |
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| Hey umpire, I know you're blind. I've seen your wife! |
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76.Blondes putting their hair up |
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| Why do blondes always put their hair up at softball games? Because they want to catch everything that's over their head! |
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77.Injured Softball |
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| How do you know when your softball has been injured? By looking at the stitches! |
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78.Sacrifice Flies |
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| Why do flies avoid the ballpark? Because they don't want to be a "sacrificed fly!" |
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79.My favorite Umpire |
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| Several coaches were standing around talking about their favorite umpires. One coach stated he likes an umpire with a consistent strike zone. Another coach likes the umpire who keeps the best interest of the girls in mind. Finally, the last coach exclaims "my favorite ump is a dead ump!" |
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80.Fall of the Roaming Umpire |
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| Much has been written in the textbooks on the Fall of the Roaming Umpire. An abbreviated recount of the story was given to me recently by a disturbed catcher who was annoyed by an ump who paraded and roamed around home plate drawing undo attention to himself. After the catcher "accidently" let a high inside fastball get by, the injured ump fell to the ground. Now you know the story behind the fall of the "Roaming Umpire!" |
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81.Couldn't steal Home! |
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| After failing to steal home several times in the course of a tournament, the coach lamented that "we couldn't steal home if the front door was wide open!" |
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82.Holes in the Glove! |
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| After a poor defensive game, the coach observed, "we've got more holes in our defence than a Florida Presidential ballot!" |
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83.Bozo |
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| After a catcher had a bad game, a parent could be heard yelling "Bozo wants his mitt back!" |
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84.No Scoop |
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| After a first baseman had trouble scooping balls out of the dirt, someone yelled "I've seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor!" |
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85.New glove |
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| After the second baseman had a weak defensive game, she tried to explain to her coach, "It's a new glove and I forgot to read the instructions!" |
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86.No range |
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| After trying several players at shortstop, the coach couldn't restrain himself any further and told his assistent, "My broken-down oven has more range than these gals!" |
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87.Soccer or Softball |
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| Recently, a player couldn't make up her mind whether to play soccer or softball. After several errors on the field, someone yelled out to her "way to kick the ball,Pele!" |
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88.US Steel |
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| A third baseman recently was showing off her new glove to every familiar face at the ballpark. After several boots at third base, the coach asked "Where did you get that glove? US Steel!" |
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89.Helen Keller |
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| During a night game last year the centerfielder was missing one flyball after another. When it came time for her to bat next inning, the coach called out "where's Helen Keller!" |
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90.Can't drive anyone Home! |
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| After a painful loss where the coach saw his team leave many runners on base, he complained, "You gals couldn't drive anybody home even if you were sitting in their driveway!" |
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91.Batting Practice |
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| "How did batting practice go?" asked the coach. "Not well" replied the assistent. "The pitching machine threw a no-hitter!" |
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92.Do you guys actually practice? |
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| Every team seems to have at least one outspoken girl that enjoys torturing humanity with her sarcasm. After we played a weak team last year, she could be overheard asking them "Do you guys actually practice or just show up for games?" |
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93.Hit and runs! |
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| After several failed attempts at the hit-and-run, the coach exclaimed "I"ve seen better hits and runs in the ghetto!" |
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94.Slow Team! |
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| Some years a coach is stuck with a team that is slow afoot. One year our team was so slow that our assistent whispered to me "I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken!" |
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95.Star Trek Convention? |
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| Last year after we got our new uniforms, another coach came up to me a said "hey, where's the Star Trek Convention!" |
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96.Three Speeds |
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| After observing another pithcher warm-up, a coach confided in me and said "she's got three pitches! Slow, slower, and slowest!" |
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97.Rocking chair |
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| After a college coach was evaluating his new pitching staff for the year, he leaned over and told me "I've seen better arms on a rocking chair!" |
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98.AA Meeting |
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| The same college coach added another observation on his new pithing staff, "I've seen better control at an AA meeting!" |
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99.OJ's Alibi |
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| After watching his new infield practice, the coach observed "our infield has more holes in it than OJ's Alibi!" |
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100.Internet Stock |
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| After watching another team's players "waddle" onto the field, a fan remarked, "I've got internet stocks in better shape than that team!" |
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101.White Castle |
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| After a pitcher gave three straight hits on consecutively thrown sliders, the pitching coach said "I've seen better sliders at White Castle!" |
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102.Hey Blue |
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| After observing several borderline calls at homeplate, a frustrated coach yelled, "Hey blue, I've had better calls from my ex-wife!" |
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103.Momma, don't let your kid grow up to be a cowboy! |
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| Momma, don't let your kid grow up to be a cowboy...let them be a Lebanon Intimidator instead! |
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104.Square Dance |
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| A rustic gentleman was watching a softball game from behind home plate when he could no longer contain himself. Loudly, he exclaimed,"I've seen better calls at a square dance!" |
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105.Willie Nelson |
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| After a poorly played defensive game, a fan turned to me and said, "we had more boots than Willie Nelson!" |
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106.Horses |
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| "Hey ump, I thought only horses could sleep standing up!" |
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107.Ump Buried in Sand |
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| What do you have when you've got an umpire buried in sand up to his neck? Answer; Not enough sand! (thanks Ray) |
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108.Umpires and Puzzles |
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| Several umpires went into a saloon just hootin' and a hollerin' when the head ump asked the bartender for his best champaign. After the umpires tipped their glasses,exchanged high-fives,and finished their bottle, the bartender came over and asked, "what's all the excitement about?" The head umpire replied,"because of a rainout we did this puzzle in what has to be record time!" "How can you be sure?" asked the bartender. "We finished this puzzle in less than 12 hours and right here on the puzzle box it says 3-4 years!" replied the head ump.(thanks again to Ray) |
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109. Slow-pitch humor |
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| How do you make a slow-pitch player laugh on a Monday? Answer; Tell them a joke on Friday! |
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110. Two slow-pitch players on a Bridge |
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| If two slow-pitch players jump off a bridge together, who hits the water first? Answer: "Who cares!" |
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111.Trapped in a Room |
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| You are trapped in a room with Osama bin Laden, Hitler, and an umpire. Your gun has only 2 bullets. Now, what are you supposed to do? Answer; Shoot the umpire twice! |
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112.Men are from Mars... |
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| Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. But, did you know that softball players are from Pluto? |
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113.Soccer and now Softball |
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| Did you hear what happened to the soccer player who switched over to fastpitch? She did great until she tried to stop a linedrive with a header! |
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114.Is your girl playing too much softball? |
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| You know your little girl is playing too much softball when her idea of "wearing something nice" is putting on a tournament tee shirt without grass stains! |
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115.Double Play |
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| You know your infield is in trouble when their idea of a double play is "two songs back-to-back" on the radio! |
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116. Your infield is in Trouble... |
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| You know your infield is in trouble when they chant "Hey, batter,batter, don't hit it to me and it don't matter!" |
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117. Top 40 Countdown |
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| What does your pitching staff and the top 40 countdown have in common? Ans. The hits just keep coming and coming! |
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118.What kind of stuff? |
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| After the first three hitters hit the first pitch for linedrives,the coach summoned the catcher for a brief conference. "What is this pitcher throwing,"asked the coach. "How should I know!" said the catcher, "I haven't caught a pitch yet!" |
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119.Tough Hitter |
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| "We've got a hitter who is such a tough out that she even gets walked in batting practice!" |
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120.Murphy's Law of Spectator Softball |
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| Exciting plays happen only when you're looking at the scoreboard or out getting a hotdog! |
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121.It's Only a Game! |
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| Whoever thought up the phrase "softball is only a game" probably just lost one! |
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122.Being a Good Sport |
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| The only trouble in being a good sport is you generally have to lose to prove it! |
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123.Teamwork |
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| In softball, we are taught that teamwork is essential. Especially, since it allows you to blame someone else! |
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124.Low probability |
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| A local Radiologist, who is also an avid fastpitch softball fan, recently came to watch a local team play. When asked by the team's coach if he thought this team would return to the state tournaments, the Radiologist said "low probability." (sorry, this is a hospital joke) |
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125.Osama bin Laden's Softball team |
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| Now that Osama bin Ladin is dead or in hiding, what has his softball team been doing? bin stealin',bin hittin',bin runnin'! |
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126.Car full of Slowpitch Players |
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| Why is it so good to drive in a car full of slowpitch players? Answer You qualify for handicap parking! |
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127. Fax from Slowpitch player |
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| How can you tell if your fax is from a slowpitch player? Answer There's a stamp on it! |
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128.My Doctor said Avoid Excitement! |
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| Because of his bad heart, a patient was told by his doctor to avoid excitement and crowds. That's why he goes only to slowpitch games! |
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129. Hot at Slowpitch games! |
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none |
| Do you know why it's always so hot at slow pitch games? Answer Because there aren't any fans! |
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130.Straight A's |
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