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Zero Tolerance
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Parents Initiative
("More Important than the Final Score")
(Fair Play Code for Parents)
(10 Ways to Improve the Game)
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Please read the handout below from the Hamilton Minor Hockey Council regarding ZERO tolerance in the hockey community
For more helpful information, you can also visit ruaware.ca
Each and every year LMHA strives towards making our association a fun place to be at and enjoy the kids play hockey. Unfortunately some parents cannot control their emotions and angers , therefore a policy has been implemented by the City of Hamilton to address this issue. Please read and understand it carefully so you are not the one who can no longer watch their children play hockey at the Arena because of your actions at the rink.
" Remember it is just a game " It's not the NHL !
Hockey Rink Etiquette for Parents
Though most of us are hoping for many more weeks of nice weather, the shorter days mean the next youth hockey season is around the corner. From house-league to the highest competitive levels of all-star or AAA rep teams, players and their parents have already gone through a tryout process, often jockeying to see which team they will represent over the next several months. Youth hockey is an intense game on the ice, and sometimes it can be just as intense and tense off the ice.
There, we see parents jawing at each other, at players, at coaches, at game officials. The temperature is a little too high in the building, and some of us parents can be a little too tightly wound. While we all say it is about fun, watching our own kids play can bring out the worst instincts that we have. We all want our sons and daughters to play, to play hard, to play well, and there is that phrase again have fun.
We want them to be well-coached, play on a team that is competitive in their category, and benefit in a host of ways from being involved in competitive athletics. Yet we, as parents, sometimes undercut how much fun our kids really have, and how much they will actually benefit. This happens by and through our often toxic behaviour, especially during games. Unfortunately, many of us don't recognize our own negative behaviour. We only see it in others!
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So here is a primer, a reminder, of little things that we can do at and around the rink this fall and winter to make the new hockey season more pleasant for all concerned most importantly, for the kids. 15 things to keep in mind while watching from the stands this winter: Let the coaches coach. If you are telling your son or daughter or any other player for that matter to do something different from what their coach is telling them, you create distraction and confusion. It is very unnerving for many young players to try and perform difficult tasks on the ice on the spur of the moment when parents are yelling at them from the sidelines.
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Let the kids play. If they have been well coached, they should know what to do on the ice. If they make a mistake, chances are they will learn from it. Do not discuss the play of specific young players in front of other parents. How many times do you hear comments such as, I don’t know how that boy made this team or she's just not fast enough. Too many parents act as though their own child is a star, and the problem is someone else’s kid. Negative comments and attitudes are hurtful and totally unnecessary and kill parent harmony, which is often essential to youth team success. Discourage such toxic behaviour by listening patiently to any negative comments that might be made, then address issues in a thoughtful, positive way. Speak to the positive qualities of a player, family or coach. It tends to make the outspoken critics back off, at least temporarily.
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Do your level best not to complain about your son or daughters coaches to other parents. Once that starts, it is like a disease that spreads. Before you know it, parents are talking constantly in a negative way behind a coach’s back. (As an aside, if you have what you truly feel is a legitimate beef with your child’s coach either regarding game strategy or playing time, arrange an appointment to meet privately, away from the rink and other parents.) Make only positive comments from the stands.
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Be encouraging. Young athletes do not need to be reminded constantly about their perceived errors or mistakes. Their coaches will instruct them, either during the game or between periods, and during practices. You can often see a young player make that extra effort when they hear encouraging words from the stands about their hustle. Avoid making any negative comments about players on the other team. This should be simple as we are talking about youngsters, not adults who are being paid to play professionally.
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I recall being at a baseball game some years ago, when a parent on one team loudly made comments about errors made by a particular young player on the other team. People on the other side of the diamond were stunned, not to mention hurt and angry, and rightfully so. Besides being tasteless and classless, these kinds of comments can be hurtful to the young person involved and to their family as well. Try to keep interaction with parents on the other team as healthy and positive as possible. Who's kidding whom? You want your child's team to win. So do they. But that should not make us take leave of our senses, especially our common sense. Be courteous till it hurts; avoid the tit for tat syndrome. Parents on the other team are not the enemy. Neither are the boys or girls on the other team.
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We should work to check any negative feelings at the door before we hit the arena. What is the easiest thing to do in the youth sports world? Criticize the referees. Oh, there are times when calls are missed, absolutely. And that can, unfortunately, directly affect the outcome of a contest. That said, by and large those who officiate at youth hockey games are a) hardly over-compensated, and b) give it an honest and often quite competent effort. At worst, they usually at least try to be fair and objective. Yelling out comments such as "Good call, ref", or "Thanks ref", may only serve to alienate an official. The ref always assumes they made the proper call, that's why they made it. Trying to show superficial support because the call went "your" way is simply annoying to the officials, and to anyone within earshot.
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The stands are for enjoying watching your child play, and the companionship of other parents, not for negative behaviour. If you want to coach, obtain your coaching certification and then apply for a job. We all feel things and are apt to be tempted to say things to others, fellow parents, officials, our own kids, in the heat of the moment. But we don't excuse athletes for doing inappropriate things in the heat of the moment (there are penalties, suspensions, etc.), so we should apply similar standards to our own behaviour at the rink. Make yourself pause and quickly check yourself and ask, "Will I be proud of what I am about to say or do when I reflect on it tomorrow?"
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The parking lot is not the time to fan the flames. Whether it is a coach's decision, a referee's call, a comment that was made, let it go. Don't harass the coach or an official or a parent on the other team after the game is over. Go home, relax, and unwind. Talk positively with your child. Many of us have made the mistake of chewing out our own son or daughter on the way home for perceived poor play. The ride home is sometimes as important as the game itself. Make that time a good memory for your son or daughter by discussing as many positives as you can about him/her, their coach and their teammates.
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Michael Langlois, founder of Prospect Communications Inc., is the author of the book, "A Guide to Better Communication for Minor (Youth) Hockey Coaches". Prospect web site is located at http://www.beyondthegame.net
"More important than the final score..."
- I value the contribution of the coach in developing the players talents, even though I may not always agree with their methods.
- I understand that officials do not make the hockey rules, they only apply them.
- I understand that children learn from adults, and my behaviour reflects what I want children to learn.
- I understand that officials are responsible to ensure that the game is played in a safe and fair manner for all participants.
- I understand that players, coaches and officials are learning the game, and mistakes will be made in the learning process.
- I may not cheer for the opposition team, but I will also not cheer against them or verbally abuse them.
- I understand that the biggest reason for players and officials quitting the game is abuse.
Fair Play Code for Parents
I will not force my child to participate in hockey.
I will remember that my child plays hockey for his or her enjoyment, not mine.
I will encourage my child to play by the rules and to resolve conflicts without resorting to hostility or violence.
I will teach my child that doing one’s best is as important as winning, so that my child will never feel defeated by the outcome of a game / event.
I will make my child feel like a winner every time by offering praise for competing fairly and trying hard.
I will never ridicule or yell at my child for making a mistake or losing a competition.
I will remember that children learn best by example. I will applaud good plays / performances by both my child’s team and their opponents.
I will never question the official’s judgement or honesty in public.
I will support all efforts to remove verbal and physical abuse from children’s hockey activities.
I will respect and show appreciation for the volunteer coaches who give their time to provide hockey experiences for my child.
10 Ways to Improve the Game
*Get involved with your son or daughter's team in a positive way.
*Let your son or daughter know you enjoy having them involved with the game
*Don’t lose perspective, emphasize the values associated with the game.
*Be supportive and don’t let expectations become a burden to your son or daughter.
*Model respectful behaviour for your son or daughter.
*Be there for your child whether they win or lose.
*Make safety, respect, fair play and fun a priority.
*Support your child emotionally
*Encourage your child to participate but avoid pressuring them to play the game.
*Communicate with your son's or daughter's coach in a professional effective manner.
