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Admin
Last updated
10-06-09 11:55 AM
 
Hiawatha Soccer Association
Shelley Delaney
557 Jewett Hill Rd
Apalachin, New York
13732
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6 Things a Parent Should Say to Their Player
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by Bruce Brownlee, USSF "C" License, Tophat Soccer Club, Atlanta, GA
A lot of soccer parents with good intentions give a 30 minute lecture, covering all the players supposed deficiencies and giving playing advice, in the car on the way to each match. The kids arrive far off their optimal mental state, and dreading the critique they are likely to hear, whether they want it or not, on the way home. Kids who are massaged in this way tend not to play badly, they just tend to not play, possibly to avoid making mistakes. The easiest way to detect this problem is just to ask the player if it is a problem. Kids are more than willing to share this grief. The easiest way to correct this problem is to speak to the parents, as a group, about your expectations, and to cover this as a routine problem. Many of the parents will recognize themselves if you can present this problem with humor and illustrate the importance of the kids having fun and arriving in a good state of mind. For best results, parents should memorize and use the following:
BEFORE THE MATCH
I love you
Good luck
Have fun
AFTER THE MATCH
I love you
It was great to see you play
What would you like to eat?
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Article from NYSW about players playing up.
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Here's an article from NYSW recently posted on players playing up. It talks about a 7 yr old playing U10 but the same ideas/concepts discussed in the article also apply to any time a player is pushed to playing up on an older team.
Should a 7-year old play on a 10-year old team?
If a child is the best reader in the class, moving him out of the classroom and into the grade above is not typically considered. We might provide a more challenging book or focus on reading comprehension. So he can read, but does he remember and understand what hes reading like the kids in the grade above can? We might even create a separate reading group to give him some opportunities to challenge his reading. But parents and educators recognize that there is much more needed to ensure proper development than being a good reader to justify moving up a grade in school.
Why then do we too often feel the need to push our young children on the soccer field? When a child stands out as the best dribbler, most assertive or the one that seems to be involved in most of the action, the parents and/or coaches want to take this environment and make it more challenging. That in itself is a good thing but too often we think that the only way to do this is to move him out of his age bracket and age him up. The motives to aging up (e.g. placing a 7-year old on a 10-year old team) often include one or more of the following.
· Parents thought/fear their child is not able to learn anymore at the current level
· Parents and/or coachs belief that more is better
· Coachs inability to train varied skill levels within a training session
· Parents thinking this will aid in nailing that college scholarship
· Coachs need to fill a roster
None of these talk about the child and his needs or desires. Why do children play soccer? Ive gone to the experts themselves, the children, to find out! The two most common responses from 7 and 8 year olds was because its fun and I want to play with my friends. And while those reasons were important to the 9 and 10 year olds, I also got responses that were more goal oriented, like learning new moves and playing like a professional player they look up to.
Theres no better training environment than the small-sided game
.many more touches on the ball, opportunities to make decisions, transition, recovery, positional support
continual snapshots of the large field in small, manageable doses
by placing restrictions (or rules), the coach can create the opportunity to train a particular theme
..finishing, direct or indirect play, changing point of attack, combination play
..the list goes on. Rather than one large goal, the children have two small goals on the flanks to score in. Youve now given them the setting to work on changing point of attack and positional support
their vision, anticipation, ability to deceive. Its a much easier environment for the coach to observe and its a much more difficult environment for players to hide. Strengths and weakness are glaring at you!
So while it is true that the small-sided game is the environment to train (at all levels) and most agree that players cant hide, I have found that it can give a false sense of certainty when using the 4v4 small-sided game to assess whether a highly skilled 7-year old should be aged up to a 10-year old team.
I had a 7-year old in the U8 training group in my Youth Development Program. He stood out among the other children. He most definitely had the most touches on the ball in the game because when he had the ball, he rarely lost it unless he took a shot or miss touched it. He never passed it because he didnt need to and he didnt want to. And why should he? While 7-year olds are starting to become aware of teammates, they are very well aware that if they pass it, theyll likely never get it back!
His father felt strongly that he needed more challenge; that he ought to be aged up to the U10 team. I allowed him to come to a festival with the U10 team to give him exposure to the competition at that level and quite honestly, I wanted to be sure I was making a sound decision for this players placement; keeping the player and his development at the core of the decision! What I found was very interesting. He was holding his own in the small-sided warm up activities but once we added numbers and a larger field, he was lost! The field opened up
.there were more players on the field
.more complex problems to solve.
Tactically, he was playing like the skilled U8 (aware of his teammates but will continue to keep the ball even when the game is telling him that a pass would be the best decision). Psychologically, he was lost because he was now not talking on the field; he was less confident with himself and his place on the team and field. This drop in self-confidence affected his technical abilities; his first touch was continually letting him down. Physically, he was lost because even players that werent as skilled as him could outrun him or catch up; he never once was successful taking a player on with the dribble
.and eventually he stopped trying. Rather than boldly going forward like he did in the U8 setting, he always looked to turn the ball back!
I do believe that a player needs to be challenged if they want to improve. The environment needs to provide a balance of challenge and success. If its too easy all of the time, improvement will plateau and maybe even drop off (because the player gets bored or develops bad or unrealistic habits). But if its too hard, important skills will never be given a chance to develop! Just being on a U10 team and surviving doesnt mean that the 7-year old player is improving at a faster pace than the 7-year old on a U8 team. In fact, I say that if we are looking at the whole player
looking at all four components (technical, tactical, physical and psychological)
..the players that are aged up are more likely to be developing at a slower rate than they could be
..or more specifically, particular skills that are critical to development as a player are being short-changed and may be jeopardized in the long run. Children learn technique through repetitive activities and these techniques turn into skill when they can be successfully performed in a game. If a 7-year old cannot outrun or out-muscle the average 10-year old, then theyre not being given the proper environment to master the critical techniques of Running with the ball, Dribbling and Turning, changing direction with the ball.
If you ask the children, most would rather play with their own age bracket; with their friends! Theyre more comfortable in conversation and behavior which directly affects their confidence and self-esteem. So it comes back to the coach and parents. Coaches (and parents) need a solid understanding of how children think, behave and process information at various ages
this is almost more important than knowing how to demonstrate moves and movement on the soccer field! Coaches need to understand how to create environments that provide challenge and success for all of their players regardless of where they fall on the spectrum.
I recently observed a U8 coach working diligently through an activity to get his players to improve their team shape. While he coached their every movement, he was feeling satisfied that they got it. But once the game started, the infamous swarm ball took over. His frustration was evident as he froze the players and reminded them of their shape and how spreading out actually helped his teammates. One boy said, I know which seemed to irritate the coach. Im guessing that the coach was thinking, If you know, then why dont you do it? Well, the answer to that is that while the average U8 player might know what to do, hes not able to do it yet. Hes not there in his cognitive development!
For a U8 game, coach can stand at the midline with a pile of soccer balls and as a ball is either scored or lost over the touch line, serve another ball in. This ensures continuous play but it also allows the coach to take some control of the game where/when its needed
a ball can be distributed to a player that hasnt had many touches. Coach can distribute a ball to the skilled ball handler but maybe send it in the air so he has to receive a flighted ball. Or maybe chip it over his head so that when he receives it, his back is to goal. In that same game, were able to balance challenge and success for all of the players.
There are certainly instances when a 7-year old should be aged up. But those are going to be rare. If hes really standing out from his peers, allow him to train with the 10-year old team to supplement his U8 training. But the truly effective, clever, creative coach will find a way to challenge a 7-year old within the U8 training group.
We all need to exercise patience. Whats so bad about a player having an environment where he gets to be leader? Where he gets to be the hotshot, ball hog, go-to player? Where he gets to have the proper field size and speed of play to allow him to work his moves?! And maybe even be able to develop his own moves and unique style? Much of what we do and try in life has to do with our feelings of self-confidence
.feeling safe in our environment to try new things. At these young ages, we need to focus on developing the whole player
.all four components
..each of them being vitally important.
and above all, we need to help the player nurture a love and passion for the game!
Maureen Dracup
NYSWYSA, ADOC
binghamtondoc@nyswysa.org
Thank You,
Terri L Dempski
Hiawatha Soccer
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Tips for Parents
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1.)Soccer is a team sport.
2.)Our children made the team, not us.
3.)If you think your child is better than the other children on the team, congratulations -- you probably fall into the majority of soccer parents. However, this is largely irrelevant. (see #1 above)
4.)If you want your child to improve his/her skills and performance, then leave it to the coaches. The parents' jobs are to: pay, drive and offer positive support.
5.)If you think you can offer good advice to one of the coaches, then see the team manager and arrange to take the coaching certification exam. If you want to coach from the touchlines without coming to team practices, team meetings, team camps, coaches clinics, coaches meetings ....., keep the thought to yourself until you can watch soccer on TV.
6.)Although coaching advice from parents is generally not appreciated, communication is very important. If anything at all is bothering your child, let the coach know as soon as possible so that he/she has an opportunity to adjust if possible to make your child's experience more rewarding and enjoyable. If you really want to destroy a team, tell everyone ... but the coach about your child's problem. Talk about it and complain about it with the other parents all season and never let the one person who can fix it know there is a concern.
7.)If you think you can offer good advice to a game official... see #5 above.
8.)A soccer match is not won or lost by any child (see #1 above).
9.)To play well during the season, our children must come together as a team and support, communicate with and trust each other. The coaches and children will accomplish this if we don't undermine their efforts. However, if you disagree with the foregoing statements, undermining can be accomplished by using any of the following tactics: criticizing the efforts of your child, telling your child he/she is the most/least important and best/worst player on the team, telling your child that another child on the team is lousy or has deficiencies, yelling negative comments during practices or games, criticizing the decisions or strategies of the coaches, claiming that victory or defeat was the responsibility of any child.
10.)Follow the rules and use good judgment and everyone will have a great season.
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Parental Support
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Jeff Pill, New Hampshire Soccer Association Director of Coaching
The role that parents play in the life of a soccer player has a tremendous impact on their experience. With this in mind, we have taken some time to write down some helpful reminders for all of us as we approach the upcoming season. If you should have any questions about these thoughts, please feel free to discuss it with us, the coaches.
1.) Let the coaches coach: Leave the coaching to the coaches. This includes motivating, psyching your child for practice, after game critiquing, setting goals, requiring additional training, etc. You have entrusted the care of your player to these coaches and they need to be free to do their job. If a player has too many coaches, it is confusing for him and his performance usually declines.
2.)Support the program: Get involved. Volunteer. Help out with fund-raisers, car-pool; anything to support the program.
3.)Be your child's best fan: Support your child unconditionally. Do not withdraw love when your child performs poorly. Your child should never have to perform to win your love.
4.)Support and root for all players on the team: Foster teamwork. Your child's teammates are not the enemy. When they are playing better than your child, your child now has a wonderful opportunity to learn.
5.)Do not bribe or offer incentives: Your job is not to motivate. Leave this to the coaching staff. Bribes will distract your child from properly concentrating in practice and game situations.
6.)Encourage your child to talk with the coaches: If your child is having difficulties in practice or games, or can't make a practice, etc., encourage them to speak directly to the coaches. This "responsibility taking" is a big part of becoming a big-time player. By handling the off-field tasks, your child is claiming ownership of all aspects of the game - preparation for as well as playing the game.
7.)Understand and display appropriate game behavior: Remember, your child's self esteem and game performance is at stake. Be supportive, cheer, be appropriate. To perform to the best of his abilities, a player needs to focus on the parts of the game that they can control (his fitness, positioning, decision making, skill, aggressiveness, what the game is presenting them). If he starts focusing on what he can not control (the condition of the field, the referee, the weather, the opponent, even the outcome of the game at times), he will not play up to his ability. If he hears a lot of people telling him what to do, or yelling at the referee, it diverts his attention away from the task at hand.
8.)Monitor your child's stress level at home: Keep an eye on the player to make sure that they are handling stress effectively from the various activities in his life.
9.)Monitor eating and sleeping habits: Be sure your child is eating the proper foods and getting adequate rest.
10.)Help your child keep his priorities straight: Help your child maintain a focus on schoolwork, relationships and the other things in life beside soccer. Also, if your child has made a commitment to soccer, help him fulfill his obligation to the team.
11.)Reality test: If your child has come off the field when his team has lost, but he has played his best, help him to see this as a "win". Remind him that he is to focus on "process" and not "results". His fun and satisfaction should be derived from "striving to win". Conversely, he should be as satisfied from success that occurs despite inadequate preparation and performance.
12.)Keep soccer in its proper perspective: Soccer should not be larger than life for you. If your child's performance produces strong emotions in you, suppress them. Remember your relationship will continue with your children long after their competitive soccer days are over. Keep your goals and needs separate from your child's experience.
13.)Have fun: That is what we will be trying to do! We will try to challenge your child to reach past their "comfort level" and improve themselves as a player, and thus, a person. We will attempt to do this in environments that are fun, yet challenging. We look forward to this process. We hope you do to!
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Touchline rules for Parents
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Rule No. 1: Keep POSITIVE support, encouragement, cheer leading and general screaming and hollering to a MAXIMUM on the touchlines. When the players are working hard, they need and deserve everyone's best POSITIVE encouragement and support. They need to know you're there and that their effort is appreciated. Most teams have a tough enough time developing a sense of teamwork and achievement at the same time the players are gaining experience and skill. They DO NOT need to hear YOUR anxiety piled on top of their own when the game is going poorly. If you really want to make things worse, crank your voice up a few notches and shout "Get it outta there!"
Rule No. 2: DO NOT CRITICIZE referees or players of either team for any reason.
If the referees really ARE doing poorly, they may get angry or offended by critical spectators and that may make things tougher for the team. If they are good at what they do, they will ignore you, or perhaps ask you to leave the field. Either situation is at best distracting and at worst reflects poorly on the team's overall sportsmanship. Publicly criticizing players on your team can really hurt team morale. They will already have an EXCELLENT idea what their weaknesses are from their coaches and teammates. They will not need reminders from their families, friends and other spectators. The players for the other team are also trying hard and in truth are probably no meaner or nastier than players from your team. Criticism is simply poor sportsmanship and leads to unnecessary bad feelings on and off the field. The unfortunate spectacle of a supposed adult shouting insults at a child on a soccer field is merely disgusting. Soccer is a game, not a war.
Rule No. 3: Don't coach players from the touchlines, or for that matter while THEY are on the touchlines.
In most leagues, coaching from the sidelines is frowned on, and rightly so. Soccer is different from most sports in the US, because it is a game of the players. Coaches are supposed to intrude as little as possible. If you feel a child is not doing what should be done, tell the coaches, not the player. As parents occasionally discover, a player may be doing EXACTLY what the coaches have instructed. Either way, a parent can help a player's athletic development much better working together with the coaches, not independently.
Rule No. 4: Give the players, coaches and referees room to work.
Many organizations have rules which require that spectators on the touchlines stay in an area between the penalty boxes, and keep all parts of their bodies (even outstretched feet) at least one yard behind the touchline. Do not crowd the touchlines for any reason and stay away from the goal area to avoid interfering with those involved in the game.
Rule No. 5: Remember, IT'S ONLY A GAME.
Don't forget, YOUR attitude on the touchlines can affect the mood and success of the team. If the coaches think that your touchlines activity is hurting team performance in any way, they should promptly advise you, hopefully without ruffling any of your feathers. Be tolerant. Emotions run high during games, and feelings are easily hurt. Nevertheless, any spectator, whether parent, friend or player, who persists in inappropriate touchlines behavior after being warned by the coaches should be asked to leave the vicinity of the field. Coaches should not argue with parents at the game. If YOU want to talk about the game, call the coaches later at home or get them aside after the game. Editor's Note: I found this letter on the Web somewhere long before I had this home page. I don't remember who wrote it or where exactly I got it. If anyone knows where it came from, please send me a note and I will give credit where credit is due.
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Ten Reasons to be a Good Sport
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1. Because taunting, trash talk and intimidating behavior have no place in youth sports.
2. Your admission is to watch the performance of highly-impressionable kids -- not a license to abuse coaches, officials, players and other spectators.
3. You want others to treat you the way you want to be treated -- and how many of us want to be treated with disrespect?
4. We need more positive role models for our kids.
5. People don't always remember the final score -- but they always remember the fan on the touchline who made a fool our of him or herself.
6. Because coaches and officials are also teachers. Why would you harass them in their classroom?
7. A national survey indicates kids play sports to have fun, not to be number one!
8. It's how you play the game that counts.
9. It's simply the right thing to do.
10. Because sportsmanship begins with you!
Good Sports Are Winners!
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