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| Welcome to the Official Site of the "Classy Classic"
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Welcome to FUNK-MOB.COM (est. July 1996) - This is the Official Site for The Funk-Mob Classy Classic 3-on-3 Basketball Extravaganza. ALXN ARENA has pioneered itself into America's #1 Underground Full Court 3-on-3 Spectacular after hosting a decade of street ball played to the fullest. Not to be confused with games at Holcombe Rucker's Rucker Park in Harlem, or Tournaments such as the Gus Macker or Harmerville Hoops, "The Funk-Mob" features a "Two-Day War" including a full schedule of regular season games on Saturday, and a Playoff Tournament on Sunday to determine it's 3-on-3 Champion. Sunday's Championship is a Best-of-Five Series just before sundown during Pennsylvania's hottest week in July. Not only do you have to beat your opponent, you must also survive the heat produced from both the sweltering sun and the heckling spectators who take pride in handing out degrading slurs to those who look susceptible to being "shook"!!!
Friday, July 28
FUNK-MOB XI ... THE FIELD IS SET!!!
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| Click on logo to go to www.curtophoto.com
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EAST WEST
Nuff Said Franklin B
Cuban Giants Black Power
Diff'rent Strokes G's up Hoes Down
Team Dynasty FREE AGENTS
9:15 Gates Open
9:30 Team Photos*
9:45 Shoot-around
9:58 National Anthem & Official Tip-Off
ROUND 1 SCHEDULE
10:00 Nuff Said vs Team Dynasty
10:15 Black Power vs Franklin B
10:30 Diff'rent Strokes vs FREE AGENTS
10:45 Cuban Giants vs G's up Hoes Down
*Team Photos will be taken by Official Sponsor"
Curt-o-photo Productions www.curtophoto.com
also sponsored by Ken's Barber Shop 724-775-9967
Saturday, May 6
FUNK-MOB XI... DATE OFFICIALLY CHANGED
It is OFFICIAL!!!
Funk-Mob 11 has Officially been changed to the last week in July. The new date is now July 29th and 30th (previously scheduled for July 22nd and 23rd). The change has been made to accomodate the farmers almanac climate change prediction in which the final week of July is now considered the HOTTEST WEEK OF THE SUMMER! This is the week the Funk-Mob originally went with in the mid 90's before the polar cap shiftment. Be sure to call your boss today and shift your vacation time accordingly and use the extra week to work on your defense! See additional information coming soon on May Madness 2006.
"A DECADE OF CHAMPIONS"
I Cuban Giants
II Montour Manipulators
III BUFF
IV BUFF
V BUFF
VI Franklin's Finest
VII Cuban Giants
VIII Cuban Giants
IX Off the Top All-Stars
X Squad Up
FUNK-MOB INVITATIONAL (Now JULY 29 & 30, 2006)
NEW "Throwback" Format for The Mob's 2nd decade. (details coming soon)
After a decade of excellence and the expansion to 16 teams, The Classy Classic has decided to go back to its Glory Days and reduce the field to 10 to 12 Elite Guests just like '96. This will enable more games for each team and allow "The Show" to showcase more flash & FUNdamentals and less animal ball and side-circus acts. It will be the breath of fresh air The ARENA needs to pass the torch back to the youth of the neXt generation.
...DELIVERIN' THE GOOD
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| Funk-Mob X "Bootstretch of the Year"
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The early day PRODUCT is back as we are tweaking the format along with the skill and sportsmanship levels this season when the ALXN ARENA Selection Committee announces its 10 to 12-team lineup this summer. Old legends such as BUFF, Made Men, Franklin, and the home-town Cuban Giants are almost guaranteed shoe-ins along with the defending champions Squad Up. New futuristic beasts such as Philly's "Pistol Peedie" and Pitt's Greg Lee are amongst the torch carrying bubble riders that will try and fill the remaining spots. The Committee is bringing back the Day 2 format of Best-of-3 Playoff Series's along with the Primetime Best-of-5 Championship Series that the Funk-Mob has lacked over the past few years due to time restraints. There has also been "rumors" floating around that the 1997 Rasta Rule may return which allows teams to have 5 players instead of 4 on their tourney rosters. But as of now, this is merely a rumor. If you get time send the commissioner your thoughts at bigfaceclique@hotmail.com.
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| ALXN ARENA "Open All Sunny Sundays"
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ALXN ARENA also plays host to Sunday afternoon pickup games in the months leading up to The Funk-Mob. Tip-offs are at 6:30pm,weather permitting, and you can often find the likes of "Big Silky", "C-Ro Fizer", "The Specialist", "The Lazer", and many more Street Wizards showcasing Mobulicious flavor, as T.ONE aka Captain McMudnight spins wax and stirs drinks. Celebrity locals and papparazzi (including The Great Guma Nelson from Jacksonville) tend to pop up from time to time, whether it be live or via satellite just to get the early season scouting reports. Nevertheless, if you are in the area, and got your Weapons (old school Bird Shoes, not guns) or your new Icey-White Lebron's, lace 'em up tight and stop by early,,, cuz once crowds escalate, it may be tough getting on the court at "The ARENA" -Home of the Cuban Giants!
Beaver County Times Coverage...
FUNK-MOB X " A DECADE OF EXCELLENCE" 1996-2005 ALXN ARENA
JULY 23rd & 24th, 2005
ALXN ARENA - Home of the Cuban Giants
$125 per team
New Format...
Tip-off 10:00 am Saturday
Gates open at 9:15
16 Teams only / 8 per Conference
5 Games for each Team on Saturday
Top 14 advance to Sunday's Playoff
Playoffs 10:00 am Sunday
1-bye 2 vs 7 3 vs 6 4 vs 5
Best of 3 series's during Playoffs
Championship Series 7:00pm
Skydiver Cecil Smith w/gameball
National Anthem Live Performance
Player Introductions by Guy Junker
Live Wizdom performance
Best-of-5 Championship Series
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| Henney & Hypnotic aka Hulk Juice will be on tap for VIP's
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Anthony Mateo a.k.a. "da Future" - Project to debut for Cuba in 2015
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Cuban Giants to visit BALCO Laboratories???
An off season field trip is rumored to have The Cuban Giants headed to the Bay Area for a very intense regimen and workout combine during the months of March and April, 2005. Reports are not yet confirned, but it is a story that is being followed closely by Suzy Kolbur and Sal Palantonio. We have already been informed that the New York Jets have contacted C-Ro Fizer in trying to lure him into a tight end contract ala Antonio Gates for the 2005-2006 NFL season. Fizer's agent refused comment stating that there is only ONE Focus in Camp Cuba... that being a Forth Title coming for the Silver Anniversary Season.
DVD's coming soon...
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| Funk-Mob IX Championship Game Ceremonial National Anthem
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"Off the Top" All-Stars defeated Code Blue in the 9th Annual Classy Classic. Larry Catrill repeated at May Madness 5. Our secretary was fired so not much press was available as far as specific detals. However, the Funk-Mob front office is happy to announce Highlights will soon be available on the "New Decade of Excellence" DVD. Be sure to pre-order your Funk-Mob DVD's at this year's Classy Classic, featuring footage from past Funk-Mob's as well as May Madness and some of the all-time greatest highlights never seen before in this Limited edition Ryno Production Exclusive Series due out this Fall.
KRUNK FUEL FOR V.I.P.'s
1Cuban Giants
2Off the Top
3Code Blue
4Made Men
5BUFF III
6Bully Hill
7Brewin'Bigga
8Abuse&Addctn
9Better Fellas
10Check Mate
11Squad Up
12G's up...
13C.Love
14Andy BF
15Chuck Nice
16 ???
There will be a limited supply of V.I.P. Krunk-Fuel "Collector-Item" cans fully compatible and equipped with one full gallon of the Incredible Hulk Sports Drink. Hulk Juice, as they call it in Pimpsburgh Pimpsylvania, is "The Official MIND RIGHT of the Funk-Mob Classy Classic", and will be on ice throughout the weekend upon request.
NEW SCION SPONSORSHIP
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| Win A Scion in this year's Million Dollar Shot!!!
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That's right!!! ALXN ARENA has teamed up with corporate America and Andretti's Airport Toyota. The new Toyota Scion XB will be showcased on location this year as The Funk-Mob and Scion brings you an elegant look into the future of "Gangsta Vehicles". Click on the image to the left to find out more. Also, be sure to bring an extra $10 to the Mob to enter "The Million Dollar Shot Contest" from the opposite poolside deck and a chance to ride home "Very Classy" from the Classy Classic in 2005!
WEEKEND FORECAST... "LOTS OF HEAT!!!"
A Severe Storm Warning has been issued for the Western Part of Pennsylvania this weekend July 23rd & 24th. The Doplar Radar indicates Hurricane BLANCO has emerged off the southern shore of Florida and is reportedly getting stronger as the week progresses and is now scheduled to hit ALXN ARENA on BLACK Sunday. Prepare yaself for a few surprisingly MINOR thundershowers to develop ranging from BUTLER north to Oil City and across to St. Bonaventure, PA. Large SILKY stratus clouds will be providing a rippling effect and may cause astronomical thunderclaps to catepillars and worms who stay low to the earth like Paul Wall. Joe Denardo recommends bringing a Cuban Umbrella in case it gets toooo "WET" - Greg Cercone, on the other hand, suggests bringing lots of film, some shades, and a tub of Bannana Boat so you can stay safe while you sit back and enjoy the HEAT!!!
DOWNLOAD TEAM REGISTRATION FORMS HERE!!!
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| REGISTRATION DUE BY JULY 2nd!!!
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Funk-Mob 10 Registration forms will not be available until you arrive at Funk-Mob X. All players will be required to "Officially Register" before participating in the Funk-Mob Classy Classic. In the meantime you can use the Funk-Mob 9 form below. (The form is actually very similar to the recycled form from last year as the Funk-Mob is Environmental Friendly.) There will only be 16 teams in this year's event and 15 have already RSVP'd. So register immediately to assure your team that final spot in what is shaping up to be the most professional fiasco backyard bonanza yet. Team fees are $125 per team. Be sure to include all your team info as accurate as possible, as Guy Junker will be introducing all players for the Championship Game taking place at 7:00pm Sunday Night. Also, include any extra player information (such as nicknames, favorite moves, etc. etc.)that you may want Guy to mention during your Introductory Championship Enterance, (that is... if you are lucky enough to make it to the Big Dance). As a reminder of the rules: All players must be UNDER 6'5 inches to play in the Funk-Mob Classy Classic. If you are 6'4 and 19/20th's you are legal. If you are 6'5 YOU ARE NOT LEGAL and will NOT BE PERMITTED to play in the Funk-Mob Classy Classic. Also, no major Division I Basketball athletes are permitted and no Professional NBA Athletes are permitted. (Sorry Lebron - you should have got in when you had the chance.) The only exceptions are those who've already slid in through the cracks and have previously participated in the Funk-Mob Classy Classic. (This falls under the Grandfather-Clause of 1992) - for example, if you played in the Funk-Mob when you were 6'3 and then grew to 6'6 you are still legal. Same goes with the next generation of young athletes. If you compete when you are 18 and then go on to Division 1 or the NBA you are still legal under the "Grandfather Clause."
Handout:
FUNK-MOB 9 TEAM REGISTRATION FORMS
FUNK-MOB X: Schedule of Events
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| Celebrity Guest Guy Junker will be in the Building!
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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005: Day 1 "Regular Season"
GATE ADMISSION $5.00
9:15 am: ALXN ARENA Gates Open
9:55 am: National Anthem and Ceremonial Jump-Ball
10:00 am: Tip Off of Regular Season
(games will run every 12 minutes and each team will play 5 games during the Day 1 Regular Season)
11:00 am: Refreshment Stand opens featuring Meatball Sammiches, Hot Dogs, Sloppy Joes, Iron City, Gatorade, Water, Pepsi, Shaved Ice, and Funk-Fuel aka Hulk Juice (new this season).
12:00 Noon: Live on the 1's and 2's, Ohio's Finest, "DJ Rockwell" with possible guests Slick 50 and Lone Catalyst's J.Sandz on the cut.
3:00 pm: Live Entertainment from Musical Performance by Brian Fazio
5:00 pm: Happy Hour complete with a T.ONE "Soul Workout"
7:00 pm: Final Game of the Day
Saturday Night AfterParty: (to be determined)
Sunday, July 24th, 2004: Day 2 "CHAMPIONSHIP SUNDAY!"
ADMISSION: $5.00
9:15 am: ALXN ARENA Gates Open
(Only the top 7 teams in each Division qualify for Day 2 Playoffs)
If there is a tie for last place, we will have a 1 game head to head matchup played either at the end of Day 1 or at 9:30 on Day 2)
All other tie-breakers are decided by:
1) head-to-head play on Day 1
2) Division Record
3) Coin Flip
10:00 am: Round 1 Best of 3 Series # 4 vs # 5 Seeds
11:15 am: Round 1 Best of 3 Series # 3 vs # 6 Seeds
12:30 pm: Round 1 Best of 3 Series # 2 vs # 7 Seeds
1:00 pm: The Official Arrival of the Ice Cream Man aka T.ONE and the very lovely Cuban Giants Dance Team, The Cuban Twurkette's via helicopter
2:00 pm: Round 2 Best of 3 Series # 1 vs # 4/5 Winners
3:30 pm: Round 2 Best of 3 Series #2/7 vs #3/6 Winners
4:45 pm: Conference Finals Eastern Division Best of 3
5:30 pm: Conference Finals Western Division Best of 3
6:15 pm: Live performance by WIZDOM Reggae Band
6:20 pm: Million Dollar Shot Contest
6:40 pm: SPECIAL "DECADE OF EXCELLENCE" Presentation
6:45 pm: Special Guest Guy Junker Player Introductions
6:50 pm: Skydiver Cecil Smith flies in with Championship Jump Ball
6:55 pm: National Anthem and Celebrity Jump Ball
7:00 pm: FUNK-MOB X CHAMPIONSHIP TIP-OFF Best of 5 Series
8:15 pm: WIZDOM Encore and Post Game Award Ceremony as follow:
1) The Guy Junker Championship Series MVP
2) The Guy Junker Heckler of the Game aka "Most Respectful Ear Beater"
3) The Doughboy Mancini Dunk of the Tournament aka " The Bootstretcher's Delight"
4) The Greg Cercone Scouting Service "Prospect of the Year"
9:00 pm: PARTY OVER!!! (Extravaganza moves to the Bronz Eagle)
10:00 pm: Chameleon Junction OFFICIAL AFTERPARTY featuring DJ T.ONE, Rockwell, Dolo, and Gambino. Wizdom warms up the rasta vibe from 11 till 1:30am, Drink Specials, and Meet the Cuban Twerkettes official Dance Team and hopefully cop a freddie-smooch or two if ya lucky!
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| Click Here to purchase your Official Mob Gear
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The_Arena.wav
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| Chris Fizer, Barookus Odom, G.M. Hop Hopkins, King Jerald, & Joey Blanco
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CUBAN GIANTS REPEAT AT MOB 8!!!
The Cuban Giants defeated Beaver Falls Young Squad, 2 games to 1, to become the 2-time "two-time" defending World Champions of the Classy Classic. Funk-Mob 8 lived up to its expectations as 16 teams battled through two days of WrestleMania type conditions exceeding 24 hours of complete madness and muscleheaded street ball. In the end, Cuba prevailed as the Best of 5 Championship Series had to be shortened to a Best of 3, just to avoid pulling in the Cadillac's and Navigators to light up the dance floor at ALXN ARENA. The Official game-winning shot went down minutes after Barookus Odom, aka "Air Silky" jumped through the atmosphere to give Hanglider Paul Halas dap and simultaneously grab a Joey Blanco Alley-Oop while "stretching the boots" of Beaver Falls's Kenny Johnson. After the game stopped briefly for Chris Fizer to present Kenny with the Official Big Al Dingo Boot, KJ responded by electrifying the crowd with his own boot-stretching dunk over Joey Blanco to return the favor. Seconds later, Joey Blanco (unfazed by the side show circus act moon dunk) inbounded the ball to Jerald Tisdale who shot through a Mazzeroski-type infested crowd, and splashed the bottom of the net for the game winning 2-pointer, leading the Giants to a 12-7 Game 3 victory in one of the most dramatic unrecorded endings in Funk-Mob History. As the Jamaican Reggae band WIZDOM jammed Cuban Victory Vibes over "The Return of Diablo" beat, young women broght the party to an end as they fought over a boot-stretching incident that was unrelated to the Big Al Dingo Boot that was originally presented to Dane Williams, but was passed on to several participants during Sunday's Playoff Run. If you weren't there, you definitely missed one for the ages.
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| The Official Cuban Giant "Boot Stretch" Presentation
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Congratulations Cuban Giants 2003 World Champions
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| Jerald Tisdale a.k.a. "King Jerald"
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C. Fizer's "Darryl Dawkins Polish Thunder Day One Monster Dunk"
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"The Club" at 4th & Myrtle - The Area's #1 VIP Sportsbar
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| "Club Myrtle" - Located in New Brighton's Hill District & established Jan. 2002
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"The Club" at 4th & Myrtle in New Brighton, PA, plays host for all Cuban Giant afterparties as well as providing top notch hospitality when celebrities swing through the Pittsburgh Area. The VIP Club was named the area's #1 Speakeasy Sportsbar for Western Pennsylvania 2 years in a row. "The Club's" peak season is without a doubt during the football year as its 8 t.v. sets allow Madden Players to spar around the clock while enjoying NFL games on the big screen. (Super Bowl parties are off the muscle by the way!!! - be sure to attend if you can get on the VIP list). Most known for its "Croatian Quicks" and "Warm Tetley's", Club Myrtle has catered to such stars as Dirk Nowitski, Steve Nash, Dick Butkus, Scott Shields, Nya Green, Ray Lucas, Fred Fath, Chasey Lane, Doughboy the GFL Champ, Mike Tyson, & Gabe Engel a.k.a. "The Mayor", as the list goes on and on. Make sure you call ahead for reservations when visiting New Brighton, Pennsylvania, as "Club Myrtle" definately needs to be on your list of sites to see!
Nash & Nowitski get wild at Club Myrtle's Cuban Afterparty!
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| (photo) J. Sheffield, C. Fizer, T.ONE, J. Blanco, Coach Hopkins, Rider, B. Odom.
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CUBAN GIANTS... FUNK-MOB VII WORLD CHAMPIONS
Congratulations to the Cuban Giants: C-Ro Fizer, Joey Blanco, Jeremy Sheffield, Barookus Odom, and Coach Hop Hopkins, along with Cuban native T.ONE, and special guest-rider Bryan Salada of Italy's Made Men. Those not pictured are executive chaiman Gumero Nelson aka Nelson Mangdello, President Fidel Cerrastro, and deported Cubans Rapido Pincha and Dovey Gonzalez. Cuba defeated defending champions Brewin' Bigga from Franklin, PA, three games to one in the Funk-Mob VII World Championship. Cuba established a balanced attack with Fizer, Blanco, and Sheffield all providing 13 points apiece leading the way for the Giants. Joey Blanco and C-Ro Fizer bullied the boards and grabbed a combined 28 rebounds while Jeremy Sheffield provided the intangibles with poise & smothering defense. Barookus Odom played Goon-Ball leading the Giants in total team fouls with six. Franklin's Ryan Bodien led all scorers with 16 points despite an uncanny 9-23 from the field for the five-game series. "The Hardware" is currently on display at "Club Myrtle" and is rumored to be experiencing a platinum upgrade to polish up the eight year old trophy and refurbish it into a special "Super Bowl-caliber mode" in honor of the Cuban Giants who haven't had the trophy since Funk-Mob I in 1996.
LEBRON JAMES REMAINS ELIGIBLE...
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Despite the recent ruling by the Ohio High School Athletic Association enabling LeBron James to complete his High School career at St.Vincent-St.Mary's, the Funk-Mob Selection Committee has declared "King James" eligible for Funk-Mob VIII. "There has been no clear cut violation of ANY Funk-Mob rules prohibitance thus far," states Funk-Mob Commissioner, Big Stein. "We actually commend the young man in his taste of "throwbacks" in both the Gale Sayers and the Wes Unseld models. In fact, we are looking to unveil "Funk-Mob 800 Throwbacks" this spring as well." According to the Classy Classic Rule Book, this would be LeBron James's final summer to "Grandfather" his way into the Funk-Mob Classy Classic. Once he gets one year under his belt at the high school level, he could then pursue his NBA dreams and still return to the Mob each summer just as Joe Kirschner, Jeremy Sheffield, Marcess Williams, and several other Mob Stars have done already. With his high school season currently ruined courtesy of bylaw 4-10-01(c), you can rest assure the young All-American from Akron will be cruising his Hummer into ALXN ARENA just as soon as the weather breaks. Hopefully Punxsutawney Phil won't hate on LeBron in the same manner as OHSAA commissioner and trick, Clair Muscaro did by delaying this superstars career.
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Handout:
May Madness 2003 Application
New 3-Point Champion Becomes Instant Classic at Mob 7...
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| Shaun Grill - 3 pt. Champion
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"All up in your Grill" - The approach that Mob-rookie Shaun Grill of Franklin, PA, took in defeating "The Specialist" and capturing the 5th Annual 3-point Contest at the Classy Classic in 2002. Grill connected on an unbelievable 19 of 20 shots including the 4-point, 40-foot bomb shots from each corner of ALXN ARENA. The new champion (who led the Franklin Knights to a High School AAA Championship just months prior to the Mob) was a late entry thanks in part to Charlie Peppers of Wilkensburg who persuaded the champ and sponsored his $5 Entry Fee.
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Defending Champ, Bryan Salada, a.k.a. "Lefty" or "The Specialist" (as dubbed by Bill Utterback of the Beaver County Times) was odds-on-favorite to defend his 4-time Title as undisputed Champion coming into the All-Star Shootout. Although, temporarily shook after the defeat, "The Specialist" bounced back and has been seen working out all Winter long as he looks to recapture his Title in Funk-Mob VIII. Salada has reportedly signed an off-season deal with Hydroxycut for a rumored $1.5 Million Dollars. In an attempt to confirm this rumor with Salada's Lawyer, all phone calls were left unreturned. "The Specialist" has been frequenting local Clubs in Mitchell & Ness Throwbacks,,, it's safe to say these reports are probably true. Look for a chizzled Salada to return strong in 2003!
(CLICK HERE TO REGISTER YOUR TEAM NOW FOR 2003)
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"Fake Spree" from beyond the foul line
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| "The Caucasian Sensation" 7... The Young Dynasty 0
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Raekwon the "Sheff" elevates on the State Champs
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| Lance a.k.a. "Frank's Agent" - Mob's all-time Greatest Scout
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| Jason Richardson - NBA 2003 Slam Dunk Champion
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THE RETURN OF THE DUNK...
Jason Richardson of the National Basketball Association has inspired the Funk-Mob Classic to reinstate the Dunk Contest into its 2003 format. With inspirational fanmail received by defending champion Jason "Air" Sheets, 1992's winner, we feel the fans deserve to see some of the Mob's highest flyers take to the friendly suburban skies of ALXN ARENA. We are not sure of all the participants as of right now, but early predictions are looking for ratings to soar with the possible rivalry matchup of Free Agent Freddie Millions skydancing against Olympic sprinter and long-jump candidate, Elu Lawerence aka "Fake Spree" of Franklin. Since the news of the Mob to return the Dunk Contest to Funk-Mob VIII, Fred Millions has been working out with Carmello while watching old NBA Dunk Contests of Larry Nance and Doctor J on the big screen in his Junction Estate Dream House in hopes of capturing the Mob's first Dunk Title in over 10 years. Click below on the GUESTBOOK to vote for your favorite player to be a candidate in this year's "Pete's Apocarathy Slam Dunk Contest!"
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REST IN PEACE...
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"B.J." (6/1/89 - 2/14/03)
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Welcome 
