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Friday, October 25 Welcome to our fun page This page is intended to offer a bit of light relief! Please be aware that depending on your connection speed some downloads may take a bit of time - but they will be worth waiting for! If you have fun bits you want to share with everyone please let me have them. Sorry folks, but a bit of serious stuff .Every effort has been made to ensure that the downloads are free from virus infection and malicious code, however, the recipient (whoever is accessing the download) is solely responsible for confirming this by their own means. Dave and/or Exeter Storm will not accept any liability whatsoever for any damage claimed to have arisen out of the use of the download. Sunday, June 27 Euro 2004 More on the Storm fun page!!
Euro 2004 part 2 Sunday, June 27 Euro 2004 part 3
Thursday, November 27 Aussie Wine
Friday, November 14 Best Hockey Goal Ever? If you haven't got Broadband this movie may take a little time to load, but if you want to see an incredible ice hockey goal this is the movie clip to watch. Enjoy Sunday, November 9 Drive Through ATM Procedures Apology first.....sorry ladies!! Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" cash machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. MALE PROCEDURE 1 Drive up to the cash machine. 2 Put down your car window. 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6 Put window up. 7 Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1 Drive up to cash machine. 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine. 3 Set handbrake Brake, Put the window down. 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card. 5 Turn the radio down. 6 Attempt to insert card into machine. 7 Attempt to insert card into machine. 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 9 Insert card. 10 Re-insert card the right side up 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 12 Enter PIN. 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 14 Enter amount of cash required. 15 Check make up in rear view mirror. 16 Retrieve cash and receipt. 17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside. 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook. 19 Re-check make-up again. 20 Drive forwards 2 feet. 21 Reverse back to cash machine. 22 Retrieve card. 23 Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 24 Give appropriate hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind. 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off. 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27 Release Handbrake. Sunday, November 9 New family driver Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years" Sunday, November 9 Try this in the office Sunday, November 9 A great serve!!! Tuesday, November 4 Coleman Balls....all true The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it. Which is identical" (Murray Walker) "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Ron Atkinson) Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter) Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." (Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977) "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." Metro Radio "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother." (Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator) "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" (Murray Walker) On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country" (Ian Rush) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman) "The race course is as level as a billiard ball" (John Francombe) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables) "We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival" (Noel O' Mahony, Cork City boss before the game in Munich) Dennis Pennis: 'Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?' Chris Eubank: 'On what?' "Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Ron Atkinson) "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' (David Acfield) 'What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?' (Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live ) I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona' (Mark Draper - Aston Villa) 'There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class' (David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics) '...and Ray Illingworth is relieving himself in front of the pavillion' (John Arlott) 'These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them' (Gary McCord on the greens at Augusta) 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God what have I just said?' (USTV commentator) Tuesday, April 1 Actual Answering Machine Answers! 1. Hi. Now you say something. 2. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 3. Hello. I am Jim's answering machine. What are you? 4. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with some of these magnets. 5. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need double glazing, insurance or new gutters, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. 6. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call. 7. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. Tuesday, April 1 Mistranslations In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret that you will be unbearable In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. Tuesday, April 1 Instructions For The Stupid On instructions for a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial bath bar: Directions: Use like regular soap. On a frozen dinner package: Serving suggestion: Defrost. On a hotel-provided shower cap box: Fits one head. On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On packaging from a Rowenta Iron. Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. On a bottle of Nytol (a sleeping aid): Warning: May cause drowsiness. On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of children. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. On an American Airlines package of nuts: Instructions: Open package, eat nuts. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. On curling iron instructions: Do not put into eyes. Thursday, March 20 Mickey Mouse and Liverpool (1) The Reds always called it the Mickey Mouse Cup!
Thursday, March 20 Mickey Mouse and Liverpool (2)
Friday, February 14 How is your hockey equipment tested? Don't try this yourself! Friday, February 14 Olympic mistakes - Bronze! Friday, February 14 Olympic mistakes - silver Olympic mistakes - javelin! Friday, February 14 Try these Puzzles (1)
Try these Puzzles (2)
Friday, February 14 How do blondes print a document?? Don't blame me for this one!!!
Any Liverpool fans out there? Gerrard Houllier was caught speeding on his way to Anfield today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned. A bloke goes into the John Lennon Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. "Wow, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Liverpool players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad". Wednesday, November 20 Americans! Submitted by James West This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS #1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision." #2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision." #1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course." #2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course." #1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!" #2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call." Sunday, November 17 Liverpool fans This one is for Clive!
Tuesday, November 12 Scouse Jokes Ok lets get them out of the way! Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle Q: What do you call a Scouser in a suit? A: The accused.(yes i know it's an old one) Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? A: Because if it walked it would be mugged. Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi? A: A burglar. Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut? A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut. Q: What do you say to a scouser on a bike? A: Stop Thief! Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform? A: Big Mac and fries please. Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night ? A: What are you looking at? Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit ? A: The Bride Tuesday, November 12 Scouse keyboard
Friday, October 25 A Dogs Life This appeared just before the World Cup and is very funny. Watch it very carefully. IF YOU ARE A DOG LOVER DON'T WATCH!! Sunday, November 3 Liverpool Airport - Missing wheels on my plane!!
Sunday, November 3 Office and School dares! Try these out - if you get in to trouble don't blame me!! ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES ---------------------- 1) ... |
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