…YOU KNOW YOU ARE A SOCCER COACH WHEN…
When your kids break a lamp, they have to dribble around the house 50 times.
Someone asks how old your daughter is & you reply U9.
You walk through the grocery store and some kid in every part of the store says, "hey coach!"
You try to put your groceries in the trunk and it is filled with your soccer gear.
Dog's name is Toe-Ball.
You kiss your spouse good night and say, "Well-done" or "Good work".
You find yourself saying, "don't bunch up" whenever 3 or more people are close together.
All non-work clothing has three stripes or an Umbro brand name.
Main factor in buying a car is whether the portable goal will fit.
Local soccer store gives you a team discount for all personal purchases.
Recognizes ex-players by the way they run.
Talk the game with your wife, who is ignoring you as if you weren't there.
Good part is you don't even care.
Love to watch games featuring your former players, and tell complete strangers you taught him how to make that perfect cross that player just executed.
Your will states your ashes should be spread over your home field.
When you go on a family vacation and you still have soccer equipment in the trunk.
You carry an extra whistle in your suit when you go to work, just in case.
You take a soccer ball to the restaurant so you and your daughter can practice juggling in the parking lot until your table is ready.
You ask the hotel reservation clerk about grassy areas near the hotel, before you ask about an indoor pool or the proximity to tourist attractions.
You write lineups and formations on napkins in restaurants.
You wake up in the middle of the night and scribble notes about a 3v1-possession drill that ends in a left-footed shot on goal. (First, no keeper, then a keeper.)
You get a flat, then remember you took out the spare to make room for the bag of pennies and practice nets.
You use an elevator foot trap to stop a basketball going out of bounds and flick it back to the ref with a nifty chip at your daughters Jr. Hi game.
You choose your car color based on your club or school colors.
You have more pictures of your soccer teams on your walls than you do of your family.
All kids within a radius of 4 miles know that you are the only one who owns a Mikasa air pump.
You address the preacher as "ref".
You scream "Penalty ref" at precisely 4.34 am.
You get withdrawal symptoms when the season ends.
Lose sleep worrying about whether the lineup for tomorrow's game is fair to every kid.
Spend the last hour of work planning today's practice session.
Wonder just what your friend meant when he asked whether you had considered getting a life.
You start watching the Weather Channel to get 5 & 10 day forecasts so you can plan practices or games accordingly (even applies to indoor with regard to travel).


...or if you've ever said:
I really think 5 is a little young for Heather to be considered a "natural striker", Mrs. Walsh.
Yeah, but Nomar Garciaparra's BEST sport was...
Because none of the English-language channels have the %#$@ game on, that's why!
No, Mr. Macdonald, putting more air into it will not make it a #4 ball.
Yes, Derek, it really went a long way; but remember how we did the kickoff in practice?
No, Mr. Macdonald, that's a VOLLEYball.  There most certainly IS a difference.
I have nothing against other sports...in their proper role as Cross-training.