Scholes Cricket Club: Junior Section


Under 17s Practice sessions for juniors start this week with the Under 17s beginning training on Tuesday 12th April – from 5.30pm. Richard Pearson 07870497509) to organise with Jarrod Lee and Tommy Boorman. Richard to deal with administrative matters including: registrations, fixtures, dates for subs etc. Under 15’s Practice session to start this Friday, 15th April at 5 -7pm with Jarrod Lee, Josh Brook (07738062354), Tom Love ( 07880657171 - split with under 13s) and Ian Charlesworth (07766785503) and possibly Nicky Brook (07723718091) and Andy Thompson (07795641906) - if available. John Andrews (07941435737), Brendan Coleman (07818808493) (and Nigel Brook (from 6pm – 07821466910) available to deal with admin matters, registrations, fixtures etc. Under 13’s. Practice session to start this Friday, 15th April  at 5-7pm with Richard Brook (07759515758), Tom Love, Tommy Boorman (07707951263), Alan Rowbottom (07831306754), and Stevie Cooper ( 07818494233) if available. Matt Boorman from 5.30pm (07756412122). John, Brendan and Nigel available for admin. Under 11’s. Practice Session to start this Thursday, 14th April, 5 -6.30pm with Tom Love, Tommy Boorman, Josh Brook, James Noble (split with under 9s - 07902720527). Steve Booth (07762634498) and Nigel Brook available for admin matters Under 9’s. Practice session to start this Thursday, 14th April 5 -6.30pm with Ian Bray (07733406560), Jarrod Lee, Rebecca Starrett (07743168308) Ian Wadsworth (07865362150). Gerd Born available to help with younger ages. Steve Booth and Nigel Brook available for admin matters. 
















UNDER 17's UNDER15's UNDER 13's UNDER 11's
Wed 5 May (H)Thongsbridge 107 for 8 (H. Bryson 5-23)  beat Scholes 64 for 8 (M. Boorman 31) by 60 runs Mon 26 April (A) Kirkburton 66 for 6 (Joe Sykes 3 -7) lost to Scholes 95 for 4 (Josh Brook 31 retired, Joe Sykes 28) by 29 runs  Sun 2 May (H) Scholes (277-3 net 253) beat Shelley  (257 - 8 net 193) by 60 runs Fri 30 April ALMONDBURY WES (H) ABANDONED
Wed 12 May (A) Meltham (77 for1) beat Scholes 74 for 5 (Tom Branston 28*) by 9 wickets Mon 3 May (H) Holmfirth 93 for 4 beat Scholes 90 for 1 (Tom Chadwick 30 retired, Joe Sykes 30 retired) by 3 runs Sun 9 May Upper Hopton (A)
Fri 14 May (A)Golcar 229 for 5 (Ronan Coleman 2-7) lost to Scholes 227-2 (Louis Sykes 9*) by 22 runs  
Fri 14 May (H)CUP Broad Oak (57 for 2) beat Scholes (53 for 8) by 8 wickets Mon 10 May Denby Dale (A)
Scholes lost to rule infringement
Didn't use five bowlers
Sun 16 May CUP (A) Slaithwaite 226 for 6 lost to Scholes 277 for 3 by 75 runs Sun 16 May CUP (H) Upper Hopton 222 for 6 (tom Boorman 2-5, guy Pearson 2-1, lost to Scholes 267 for 3 (Tom Boorman 18*, Louis Sykes 16*) by 69 runs
Wed 20 May (H) Broad Oak 96 for 3 beat Scholes 78 for 6 (M. Boorman 32*) by 18 runs Mon 17 May (H) Scholes 82 for 2 (T. Chadwick 35*,  Jamie Clayton 19*) beat Honley (81 for 4) by 8 wickets Sun 23 May (H)  Scholes 303 for 6 (Tom Brook 20*) beat Nortonthorpe (269 for 5) by 26 runs FRi 21 May (H) Scholes 258 for 6 lost to Meltham 263 for 2 by 37 runs
Wed 26 May  (A) Golcar 90 for 5 (Joe Hinchliffe 4-31) lost to Scholes 91 for 6 (Joe Sykes 21) by  4 wickets  Fri 21 May CUP (A) Slaithwaite 98 for 5 (Tom Chadwick 3-10) beat Scholes 60 for 9 by 38 runs  Sun 31 May (A)
Lepton 246 for 10 (Gabriel Mason-Dixon 4-8, Sam Garood 3-6) lost to Scholes 272 for 2 by 90 runs
Tues 1 June CUP Denby Dale (A)
Wed 2 June (H) Marsden 40 all out (Joe Hinchliffe 3-8, Tom Chadwick 4-1) lost to Scholes 42 for 2 (Tom Chadwick 17*) by 8 wickets Mon 24 May (A) Cumberworth 128-5 beat Scholes 103 for 3 (Joe Sykes 30*, Josh Brook 26) by 25 runs Fri 4 June CUP (H) Thur 3 June DENBY DALE (H)
Wed 9 June Armitage Bridge (A) Tues 1 June SHEPLEY (H) CANCELLED Sun 6 June Flockton (A) Fri 11th June CUMBERWORTH (H)
Fri 11th June CUP (A) Mon 7 June Lascelles Hall (A) Sun 13 June Lascelles Hall (A) Wed 16 June CUP semi-final (A)
Wed 23 June Rastrick (A) Mon 14 June HOLMBRIDGE (H) Fri 18 Jun CUP (H) Fri 18 Jun Kirkburton (A)
Fri 25 June CUP (A) Fri 18 June CUP (H) Sun 20 June LEPTON (H) Fri 25 June BROAD OAK (H)
Wed 30 June INTER CARRIB (H) Mon 21 June Clayton West (A) Sun 27 June Clayton West (A) Fri 2 July Upper Hopton (A)
Wed 7 July Linthwaite (A) Mon 28 June CRIGGLESTONE (H) Sun 4 July THURSTONLAND (H) Fri 9 July HOLMBRIDGE (H)
Fri 9 July CUP semi (A) Fri 2 July CUP Semi (H) Sun 11 July Shepley (A) Fri 16 July Lascelles Hall (A)
Wed 14 July HONLEY (H) Mon 5 July Upperthong (A) Sun 18 July FLOCKTON (H)  
Wed 21 July Thongsbridge (A) Mon 12 July THONGSBRIDGE (H) Sun 8 Aug HALL BOWER (H)  
Wed 28 July MELTHAM (H) Mon 19 July THURSTONLAND (A) Sun 15 Aug Kirkheaton (A)  
  Mon 26 July Skelmanthorpe (A)    
  Mon 9 Aug FLOCKTON (H)    

There was, many moons ago, a legendary sledge by the right Honourable Paul Wharton at somewhere like Morley, when he asked their Aussie pro if “He’d come over to play Rugby League?”
I now know where he got his inspiration.
Apparently Bramhall Lane, when it was still a cricket ground, and you’re going back a very long time here, used to be the rival of the Sydney Cricket Ground Hill for quality of barracking. One afternoon, a particularly noisy Sheffield citizen enquired after an immaculately attired but completely useless Amateur from Cambridge playing for Middlesex “Have yer coom oop ‘ere to ‘ave yer pen-knife sharpened?”

Those of you who know me at all will know I don’t do religion – full stop. It’s the root of all evil in the world, blah, blah, blah, I won’t bore you. But I thought this joke quite amusing.
A young curate was once bowling against a visiting Bishop who was playing for the visiting team. He thought he would be kind and get him off the mark with a slow full pitch. The Bishop promptly hit it out of the ground.
“I’m sorry, young man”, said the Bishop, “I’ve hit you right out of your parish”.
This annoyed the young Curate, who went back to his mark, rushed up and sent down a vicious bouncer which hit the Bishop in his midriff. He collapsed to the ground in agony.
“I’m sorry, m’lord,” said the Curate, “I seem to have hit you in the middle of your diocese”.


A certain village cricket team, that featured the timeless Clifford Oldroyd, had come to play their most important match of the year, but found themselves a man short. The skipper Herbert Armitage was in earnest conversation about the problem, when the horse which was used to pull the heavy roller, (this was the 1920's folks), casually remarked that he would be quite happy to make up the numbers.
Naturally, Herbert was somewhat taken aback, but on asking two or three questions, he discovered 'Dobbin', apart from being able to talk, did seem to have learned a little bit about the game while idly grazing on the hallowed Chapelgate turf.
Scholes batted first on the veritable 'bag of snakes' that constituted a wicket in those far off days. They had slumped to an ignominious 54 for 9 when Herbert sent 'Dobbin' in at number 11.
'Dobbin' was magnificent. Cover drives, hooks, leg glances, straight drives, sweeps, this horse was a multi-talented animal. Indomitable against pace and comfortable with the spinners, he reached his century in 36 balls, but was then left stranded by his partner who fell hit wicket to the great relief of the Denby Daler's.
Once Denby replied they rapidly advanced towards Scholes' 156, and with the light fading but defeat staring his side square in the face, Herbert had all run out of ideas, as not even Clifford's wobbly medium pacer's had had any effect. But Clifford reminded him of the first innnings hero, who had been quietly grazing down at long leg throughout the innings.
Herbert ran over to 'Dobbin' and asked him if he'd consider turning a fetlock over.
"Don't be silly" relied Dobbin, "Who's ever heard of a horse bowling?".

Swamp Monkey Jokes
For the uninformed, swamp monkeys come from Shepley.

Question.        What’s the height of optimism?
Answer.        A “swamp monkey” batsman applying sunscreen.
Q.        What does a “swamp monkey” put in his hands to make sure the next ball always takes a wicket?
A.        A bat.
Q.        What would Andy Hutchison be if he were a “swamp monkey”?
A.        An all-rounder.
Q.        What do you call a “swamp monkey” with 100 runs against his name?
A.        A bowler.
Q.        What’s the “swamp monkey” version of the lbw law?
A.        Lost, beaten, walloped.
The sad case of the cross-eyed “swamp monkey” bowler…
The cross-eyed bowler faced the Umpire – “HOWZZAT?”
he bellowed. “Not out!” said the square leg Umpire. The bowler turned to him “I wasn’t talking to you”, he said.
“I never said a word”, said third man……..
With deepest apologies to my good mate Ernie………
And one more truly terrible joke –
Coddy was out first ball and true to form beggared off to Jack Pearson’s in Holmfirth. After losing his shirt he decided to take an early tea in Hollowgate chippy and partake in a jumbo cod butty. As ever he was a model of patience and fortitude and politely informed the waitress
“This batter’s f’ing crap”   “You should talk” she wittily replied…….

“The Queen’s Park Oval, exactly as it’s name suggests   …..absolutely round”. Tony Cozier
“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey”.
Brian Johnstone
“Beautiful cu_t shot”. Bill Lawry
“What a magnificent shot – no, he’s out!” Tony Greig
“On the outfield, hundreds of young boys are playing with their balls”. Rex Alston
“Omar Henry hit one or two boundaries in his 7”.
Nic Collins
“A very small crowd here today, I can count the people on one hand. Can’t be more than 30”.
Mike Abrahamson
“There were congratulaions and high-sixes all round”
Richie Benaud
“Yorkshire 332 all out, Hutton ill – I’m sorry, Hutton 111” John Snagge
“Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three ponged prace attack”. Tim Gavel
“Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the Pavilion End” Brian Johnson
“He’s usually a good puller, but that time he just couldn’t get it up”. Richie Benaud
“In the back of Hughes’ mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one”. Tony Greig
“Lloyd’s talking to his SLIPer’s”
“On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off”